Did you know that there is a phrase in the college football consciousness "pull a Clemson"? (Search for that, or typical Clemson, or something along those lines...) Basically, it means that your goal is yours for the taking as long as you do what you're supposed to do and don't screw up -- but you do anyway. For as long as I can remember, that's been emblematic of the Clemson football team, because I'm not old enough for the big days of the 80s when Clemson was busy being awesome on the gridiron. This year, though, actually looks different.
It's a funny thing how that "always been there" kind of attitude affects you. I cannot believe I am going to reference the Sing Off two posts in a row, but when Vocal Point, a talented group of Mormon boys, sang Ain't Too Proud to Beg on the show, I looked up from my smartphone where I was doing something completely unrelated and manly like reading about football and monster trucks and said, "This sounds really white." (In the interest of full disclosure: I am allowed to say that, because I am really white.) It made me appreciate the Rolling Stones in a way I never really had before, because they had always been the Rolling Stones -- this icon of music in a way that you just don't understand unless you know that they were one of the pioneers that broke barriers by making it ok to listen to music that black people made by trying to sound like them, like Elvis and other white blues musicians. While that may sound vaguely racist, it was a revolution in all the positive ways that art is supposed to be revolutionary by sharing white and black experiences (which ultimately, are the same experiences, which wasn't really universally accepted in 1966, when the Temptations first recorded that song).
This lack of perspective is why people think that politics are the ugliest they've ever been right now or that Justin Bieber is the greatest musician in the history of musicians. (Clearly Rick Astley is ahead of him. [Interesting note: Rick Astley also covered Ain't Too Proud to Beg.]) It also leads to the strange acceptance of the status quo that Christians feel about their faith and what it really means.
Just like I've never known a world where Clemson didn't choke away ACC title opportunities or an undiscovered Rolling Stones, I've always been exposed to the Christian message that by faith and faith alone we are forgiven. There's never been a discovery kind of moment like the first time you see HDTV or taste real vinegar barbecue sauce and think, "This changes everything."
That's how Christianity is supposed to feel: revolutionary and liberating. Christ's arrival changed the way that men and God could relate and broke down barriers that separated men from one another. Those are no small things and because we've been steeped in the culture it's really easy to look at church and see something stodgy and establishment, like seeing Sir Michael Jagger and Keith Richards, cultural icons, rather than two kids from Kent trying to sound like Muddy Waters and Bo Diddley. Most of us probably have never even heard a song by Muddy Waters or Bo Diddley.
Muddy Waters and Bo Diddley are key parts of the Rolling Stones' story, as 1981 and Frank Howard (and the football wilderness of the 1990s and 2000s, for that matter) are to the Clemson story. The inaccessibility to God before Christ (and God's desire to bridge that gap as explained by the prophets) and the Greco-Roman concept of class are parts of the Christian story, too. And it makes the whole thing look bigger.
*Title from this edsbs.com blogpost
**I just had to. Here's the actual link. It's not bad, really.
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Saturday, September 03, 2011
Blow it up
This blog cut its teeth on criticizing commercials, and quite frankly, I think I ought to get back to my roots. I don't watch as much tv now as I did in school, so it's going to be harder to actually manage. Now that football has started, and Dr. Sighted is inconsolable because UGa is behind by 2 TDs right now to Boise, we are seeing and will continue to be seeing more commercials. She did a better job during the first half of the Clemson game when we looked like injured garbage. Adjusting to marriage is hard.
Dick's (the sporting goods store) has a fun campaign where they have professional athletes giving instruction to people buying apparel and explaining why they need it and how it will make them perform better. A few memorable ones were Darelle Revis selling shoes or shorts or whatever and talking about going to his island -- Revis Island -- only to find out that his protege is named Gilligan. There is another one involving Ndomakong Suh (best name ever) hunting quarterbacks selling whatever Revis wasn't There is a good one now with Steven Jackson (not the basketball player) moving in slow motion. There is one, however, that goes over dumber than Kris Humphries answer inevitably will the first time Kim Kardashian asks, "Does this make my butt look big?"
Clay Matthews is the go to guy after the Packers won the Super Bowl, because he looks like a mutant Midwestern wrestler with hair like the cute blonde in your sophomore biology class. He is selling shorts or shoes or whatever in this commercial and it's just him running into stuff in the store. No clever comment from the store, they try to be funny with the family blocking him, except there's nothing going on that they are blocking. There's nothing to blow up! There should have been cowboys robbing a train or a caped man with a handlebar mustache kidnapping Song Girls (Clay went to USC, you see [the real one in LA, not the fake one in Columbia, SC] and the Song Girls are the best thing about the school) that he could blow up. Right now, it just feels like build up with now release. No snap, no crackle, no pop!
The wasted opportunity of the situation is what gets me most. Bad commercials are a dime a dozen -- just ask Taco Bell. But bad commercials with potential to be great? They are the ones that make us feel like we did when Utah State choked away the Auburn game today.
Dick's (the sporting goods store) has a fun campaign where they have professional athletes giving instruction to people buying apparel and explaining why they need it and how it will make them perform better. A few memorable ones were Darelle Revis selling shoes or shorts or whatever and talking about going to his island -- Revis Island -- only to find out that his protege is named Gilligan. There is another one involving Ndomakong Suh (best name ever) hunting quarterbacks selling whatever Revis wasn't There is a good one now with Steven Jackson (not the basketball player) moving in slow motion. There is one, however, that goes over dumber than Kris Humphries answer inevitably will the first time Kim Kardashian asks, "Does this make my butt look big?"
Clay Matthews is the go to guy after the Packers won the Super Bowl, because he looks like a mutant Midwestern wrestler with hair like the cute blonde in your sophomore biology class. He is selling shorts or shoes or whatever in this commercial and it's just him running into stuff in the store. No clever comment from the store, they try to be funny with the family blocking him, except there's nothing going on that they are blocking. There's nothing to blow up! There should have been cowboys robbing a train or a caped man with a handlebar mustache kidnapping Song Girls (Clay went to USC, you see [the real one in LA, not the fake one in Columbia, SC] and the Song Girls are the best thing about the school) that he could blow up. Right now, it just feels like build up with now release. No snap, no crackle, no pop!
The wasted opportunity of the situation is what gets me most. Bad commercials are a dime a dozen -- just ask Taco Bell. But bad commercials with potential to be great? They are the ones that make us feel like we did when Utah State choked away the Auburn game today.
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
The Fall is Becoming My Favorite Season
I am watching my first Braves game of the season in HD. I've caught a little better than half a dozen, probably, and not a one of them has been in HD, because of the move and how my beloved tv (let's call her "Trudy") has been in storage. Dr Sighted's tv, a might 13 incher, made me pine for the apple of my tv watching eye. Baseball is fine, and the Braves are doing very well considering they are in the same division as the best team in baseball, but it just doesn't measure up to the fall sports, sadly. Fall is when the best tv events happen, namely, football season resumes (Go Clemson!), which, as far as television experience goes, is like soy sports.
Summer used to be my favorite of the seasons, because I like warm weather and there was no school. Now that I'm married and adult and what not, it's still good, since long days mean more time for barbecuing and warm water for beach going (I haven't been in so long, though, that I'm not sure it would recognize me anymore -- it's the one with the sand, right?), the school benefits don't really apply as much and my youthful resilience to the heat requires me to drink a lot more water and change my shirt a lot more often. Fortunately for me, my sweat smells like cinnamon, so it's more a comfort issue for me than a smell one.
Another thing that comes up in the fall is Psych. Dr. Sighted has turned me on to the this program, and it is the flagship of the USA shows, which, I'm pretty sure, are all exactly the same. They found their formula and they are sticking to it with Law & Order like consistency. Psych, White Collar, Burn Notice, Suits, Covert Affairs, and Royal Pains are all exactly the same show in different contexts. I've gotten in arguments with people in my life over this, so I feel like the guy in Mystery Men trying to convince William H Macy that Greg Kinnear really is Captain Amazing. Yes, I just reference Mystery Men.
Here's the premise: the main character has some sort of outlandish skill that is not quite superhuman although still wildly unrealistic, but just specialized enough to make him excellent in a specific niche but also has a somewhat (or very) troubled past that is probably not his fault that causes him to be an outsider in the community where that very skill would ordinarily permit him to excel. He has a loyal but confrontational cadre of friends who stick with him through thick and thin, lives in a place with an odd frequency of circumstances where his skill is useful, and there is a minor celebrity who somehow is part of the action (Psych - Corbin Bernson. White Collar - Tiffani Amber Thiessen (your Amber will always be in my heart, Tiffani. [Also, Dr. Sighted asked, "Is that Kelly Kapowski? Her face looks fat." when we watched an episode. Yes. Yes that is Kelly Kapowski and shut your mouth.] Covert Affairs - Piper Perabo. Burn Notice - Bruce Campbell, although it causes me actual physical pain to call him a minor celebrity.). There are, inevitably remarkable opportunities for witty quips, charming romantic plotlines, and temptations that try to push our hero off the straight and narrow but he (or she) always chooses the right path.
It's brilliant, really. Psych does feel a little bit different, but I can't quite tell how; it might be just that I like it better. I also don't know why I don't like them all with the same enthusiasm I do Psych and Burn Notice (or even the Mentalist, for that matter, which is basically the same show as Psych except less funny, two years later, and more Australian). So, if you like lawyer shows, there's Suits. If you like doctor shows, there's Royal Pains. If you like spy shows, you have a choice! Still no engineer show, so far. Closest thing is White Collar, with a suave, handsome gentleman using only his wits to solve interesting problems. Was that convincing? Oh well. By the way, did the find the pineapple?
Summer used to be my favorite of the seasons, because I like warm weather and there was no school. Now that I'm married and adult and what not, it's still good, since long days mean more time for barbecuing and warm water for beach going (I haven't been in so long, though, that I'm not sure it would recognize me anymore -- it's the one with the sand, right?), the school benefits don't really apply as much and my youthful resilience to the heat requires me to drink a lot more water and change my shirt a lot more often. Fortunately for me, my sweat smells like cinnamon, so it's more a comfort issue for me than a smell one.
Another thing that comes up in the fall is Psych. Dr. Sighted has turned me on to the this program, and it is the flagship of the USA shows, which, I'm pretty sure, are all exactly the same. They found their formula and they are sticking to it with Law & Order like consistency. Psych, White Collar, Burn Notice, Suits, Covert Affairs, and Royal Pains are all exactly the same show in different contexts. I've gotten in arguments with people in my life over this, so I feel like the guy in Mystery Men trying to convince William H Macy that Greg Kinnear really is Captain Amazing. Yes, I just reference Mystery Men.
Here's the premise: the main character has some sort of outlandish skill that is not quite superhuman although still wildly unrealistic, but just specialized enough to make him excellent in a specific niche but also has a somewhat (or very) troubled past that is probably not his fault that causes him to be an outsider in the community where that very skill would ordinarily permit him to excel. He has a loyal but confrontational cadre of friends who stick with him through thick and thin, lives in a place with an odd frequency of circumstances where his skill is useful, and there is a minor celebrity who somehow is part of the action (Psych - Corbin Bernson. White Collar - Tiffani Amber Thiessen (your Amber will always be in my heart, Tiffani. [Also, Dr. Sighted asked, "Is that Kelly Kapowski? Her face looks fat." when we watched an episode. Yes. Yes that is Kelly Kapowski and shut your mouth.] Covert Affairs - Piper Perabo. Burn Notice - Bruce Campbell, although it causes me actual physical pain to call him a minor celebrity.). There are, inevitably remarkable opportunities for witty quips, charming romantic plotlines, and temptations that try to push our hero off the straight and narrow but he (or she) always chooses the right path.
It's brilliant, really. Psych does feel a little bit different, but I can't quite tell how; it might be just that I like it better. I also don't know why I don't like them all with the same enthusiasm I do Psych and Burn Notice (or even the Mentalist, for that matter, which is basically the same show as Psych except less funny, two years later, and more Australian). So, if you like lawyer shows, there's Suits. If you like doctor shows, there's Royal Pains. If you like spy shows, you have a choice! Still no engineer show, so far. Closest thing is White Collar, with a suave, handsome gentleman using only his wits to solve interesting problems. Was that convincing? Oh well. By the way, did the find the pineapple?
Monday, October 05, 2009
Rain, rain, go away. (Not really; you're cool rain)
It's been raining around here a lot. That's ok on its own, but it's also getting cold, and the cold is empirically bad. It is a proven fact that people who like cold weather are sociopaths. I know you are probably thinking, "Ted Bundy killed people in Florida!" Aha! He was born in Vermont. Count it.
With these rains, though, comes thunder storms. It got me thinking about how when we were kids and somebody would say, "I saw thunder!" and then the other little smartass kids would say, "HA HA HA! You can't see thunder!" I was probably one of those smartass kids. I had a pretty vicious habit of correcting people when they made innocuous blunders when I was younger. Then I learned that people don't like it when you point out their flaws so pointedly, so I tried to lay off. I'm a recovering correctaholic.
The thing, though, is that there are two separate words, thunder and lightning, for basically the same thing. If you take a gander at my handle there, you can probably guess I know a little about sciencey things. So for those of you who don't know, I'll lay a little meteorology knowledge on you.
The exact mechanism of lightning forming is not well understood, but it's a discharge of static electricity (static electricity is the bitch kind of electricity) from a cloud to [usually] the ground. Even though it's the bitch kind, it's still a horrendous bolt of electricity that travels through the air, kind of like the boy in A Boy Named Sue. If you've ever held electricity in your hand, or things like extension cords, you notice that they kind of heat up. The lightning bolt named Sue is like that times a million. I don't know if a million is enough, but the air gets super hot and that expansion and re-contraction of air makes a boatload of noise. Think of the pwoompf sound that you hear when you light something on fire really fast. Except times a million.
Here's the thing: thunder is the sound that lightning makes. They are different sensory reactions to the same event. It's just that you see the lightning sooner due to the fact that it's really bright and you can see it from far away and light travels faster than sound. But, they aren't really different. If a cop asks about a barfight and the guy says he heard a slap, nobody's going to say, "HA HA HA! You can't hear a slap!"
So the moral of the story is, lay off on thunder and lightning. It's just a universal shared experience and the concept of language developed before we understood high energy fluid mechanics.
Also, I am writing this as I am watching the Green Bay-Minnesota game, and I have to say that I would not be that disappointed if I never heard Brett Favre's name ever again.
With these rains, though, comes thunder storms. It got me thinking about how when we were kids and somebody would say, "I saw thunder!" and then the other little smartass kids would say, "HA HA HA! You can't see thunder!" I was probably one of those smartass kids. I had a pretty vicious habit of correcting people when they made innocuous blunders when I was younger. Then I learned that people don't like it when you point out their flaws so pointedly, so I tried to lay off. I'm a recovering correctaholic.
The thing, though, is that there are two separate words, thunder and lightning, for basically the same thing. If you take a gander at my handle there, you can probably guess I know a little about sciencey things. So for those of you who don't know, I'll lay a little meteorology knowledge on you.
The exact mechanism of lightning forming is not well understood, but it's a discharge of static electricity (static electricity is the bitch kind of electricity) from a cloud to [usually] the ground. Even though it's the bitch kind, it's still a horrendous bolt of electricity that travels through the air, kind of like the boy in A Boy Named Sue. If you've ever held electricity in your hand, or things like extension cords, you notice that they kind of heat up. The lightning bolt named Sue is like that times a million. I don't know if a million is enough, but the air gets super hot and that expansion and re-contraction of air makes a boatload of noise. Think of the pwoompf sound that you hear when you light something on fire really fast. Except times a million.
Here's the thing: thunder is the sound that lightning makes. They are different sensory reactions to the same event. It's just that you see the lightning sooner due to the fact that it's really bright and you can see it from far away and light travels faster than sound. But, they aren't really different. If a cop asks about a barfight and the guy says he heard a slap, nobody's going to say, "HA HA HA! You can't hear a slap!"
So the moral of the story is, lay off on thunder and lightning. It's just a universal shared experience and the concept of language developed before we understood high energy fluid mechanics.
Also, I am writing this as I am watching the Green Bay-Minnesota game, and I have to say that I would not be that disappointed if I never heard Brett Favre's name ever again.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Sitting-O
I just got back from listening to Neal Jeffrey, a former QB (that's quarterback) for Baylor University and the San Diego Chargers, who gave what he called a pep talk for life at church. It was pretty much what you expect, a good testimony about his life in service to Christ, impressive (and self-deprecating) stories about playing football, and a little bit of stuttering. That's kind of his thing; he is a speaker who stutters (very well, he points out) while talking about faith.
It got me thinking, though, about how weird it is that when you sit around clapping for something cool somebody said, how do you know when to stop? Like, for instance, if you are at a Starland Vocal Band concert and after they finish Afternoon Delight, sure, you're clapping, but for how long? Eight claps? Twelve? Usually, you judge based on everyone else, right? Well, somebody's got to be the pioneer. He's like the guy who starts the wave, except in reverse. The guy who gets tired of smacking his hands together first.
I also have questions about when exactly a performance traverses from just sitting and clapping to standing up and clapping. What is that element in your speech that takes you over the edge? I'm guessing it has something to do with quality of booger jokes told. The same applies to jazz concerts.
Anyway, if any of you have been to performances and remember thinking, "This is the thing that will make me stand up when I start clapping. This guitar solo/tennis serve/ventriloquist trick/sawing magician's assistant in half/etc puts him over the edge." Or, "He was so close, but because he made fun of Democrats/Republicans/black people/children/asthmatics/applesauce/whatever, I'm only going to clap from my seat. And indignantly for only four claps, at that," I want to hear about it. I want to know where that edge is.
It got me thinking, though, about how weird it is that when you sit around clapping for something cool somebody said, how do you know when to stop? Like, for instance, if you are at a Starland Vocal Band concert and after they finish Afternoon Delight, sure, you're clapping, but for how long? Eight claps? Twelve? Usually, you judge based on everyone else, right? Well, somebody's got to be the pioneer. He's like the guy who starts the wave, except in reverse. The guy who gets tired of smacking his hands together first.
I also have questions about when exactly a performance traverses from just sitting and clapping to standing up and clapping. What is that element in your speech that takes you over the edge? I'm guessing it has something to do with quality of booger jokes told. The same applies to jazz concerts.
Anyway, if any of you have been to performances and remember thinking, "This is the thing that will make me stand up when I start clapping. This guitar solo/tennis serve/ventriloquist trick/sawing magician's assistant in half/etc puts him over the edge." Or, "He was so close, but because he made fun of Democrats/Republicans/black people/children/asthmatics/applesauce/whatever, I'm only going to clap from my seat. And indignantly for only four claps, at that," I want to hear about it. I want to know where that edge is.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Hey Sports Fans
I wanted to advertise some sports writing I and some of my friends are doing. Check it out at almostcompetitivechatter.blogspot.com and keep reading the observations at howobservant.blogspot.com
Saturday, July 04, 2009
God Bless America
I write this as I am watching what might be the greatest television spectacle in all of sports. Before, I thought it was the Super Bowl or New Year's Day or possibly the opening weekend of March Madness. (I, myself, am partial to the New Year's Day bowls, as I feel like it is football's birthday gift to me.) I was wrong, all this time. The greatest television spectacle in all of sports is the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. If you doubt me, you have not watched it.
There is so much drama involved in this, so many story lines, so many jokes. I watch a good deal of football, some basketball, and even less of the other insignificant sports, so I see the coverage and interview cliches that athletes have to endure from reporters, like, "How did you prepare for this?" or "What's on your mind as you get ready?" none of which tells us anything about anything. Watching Erin Andrews ask Sam Bradford about how he's feeling after beating Texas Tech means nothing to me; clearly he's happy, and going to say that he's thinking about the next game. Who cares.
That all changes in competitive eating. I want to know what these people are thinking. I want to know what kind of human being looks at a hot dog and things, "You know, Nathan's hot dogs are tasty, and two are pretty good. But what if I ate 40 of them?" I want to know what someone who holds the title of World Asparagus Eating Champion does to prepare for a match. I want to know who this guy's heroes were growing up. I don't want to know what this guy's pee smells like afterward.
The announcers take this seriously, and I would have it no other way. They discussed the different eating techniques and broke them down in the same way that Bobby Knight might describe a 3-2 zone. (There are Solomon Methods, Tokyo Methods, and some other shake named after a guy.) It is incredible.
There are also women involved. What would you do if met a reasonably attractive girl, started flirting with her, and then when you ask what she does, she says, "I am a competitive eater. I ate 11 pounds of cheesecake in my last contest." And she weighs 105 pounds. What is the next move? Do you think, "Holy crap, that's incredible?" or "I will never be able to afford dinner with this woman." I don't know how these people don't weigh 400 pounds.
There is no doubt that this sport could only come from the nation that values individual liberty and thumbs its nose at past convention to the point that says, "Gluttony is how we roll, hombres." We created the Constitution, flight, the nuclear reactor and the shamwow. We can do anything. Happy Fourth of July everyone, and do something to celebrate individual liberty and defy convention today. Eat 68 hot dogs.
There is so much drama involved in this, so many story lines, so many jokes. I watch a good deal of football, some basketball, and even less of the other insignificant sports, so I see the coverage and interview cliches that athletes have to endure from reporters, like, "How did you prepare for this?" or "What's on your mind as you get ready?" none of which tells us anything about anything. Watching Erin Andrews ask Sam Bradford about how he's feeling after beating Texas Tech means nothing to me; clearly he's happy, and going to say that he's thinking about the next game. Who cares.
That all changes in competitive eating. I want to know what these people are thinking. I want to know what kind of human being looks at a hot dog and things, "You know, Nathan's hot dogs are tasty, and two are pretty good. But what if I ate 40 of them?" I want to know what someone who holds the title of World Asparagus Eating Champion does to prepare for a match. I want to know who this guy's heroes were growing up. I don't want to know what this guy's pee smells like afterward.
The announcers take this seriously, and I would have it no other way. They discussed the different eating techniques and broke them down in the same way that Bobby Knight might describe a 3-2 zone. (There are Solomon Methods, Tokyo Methods, and some other shake named after a guy.) It is incredible.
There are also women involved. What would you do if met a reasonably attractive girl, started flirting with her, and then when you ask what she does, she says, "I am a competitive eater. I ate 11 pounds of cheesecake in my last contest." And she weighs 105 pounds. What is the next move? Do you think, "Holy crap, that's incredible?" or "I will never be able to afford dinner with this woman." I don't know how these people don't weigh 400 pounds.
There is no doubt that this sport could only come from the nation that values individual liberty and thumbs its nose at past convention to the point that says, "Gluttony is how we roll, hombres." We created the Constitution, flight, the nuclear reactor and the shamwow. We can do anything. Happy Fourth of July everyone, and do something to celebrate individual liberty and defy convention today. Eat 68 hot dogs.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I am kind of ridiculous
You know how when you play video games and something absurdly improbably happens and you yell, "Yeah right!" or "That would not happen!" or, my favorite (borrowed from Arrested Development), "Come on!" I find myself doing that mostly when I play football games. I like football a lot, and for some reason, I think that my players would never fumble or throw interceptions, even though I watch enough football to know that everyone fumbles sometimes and throws interceptions sometimes. USC lost to Oregon State, Penn State lost to Iowa and Duke almost made a bowl. In fact, until this season, Duke's last ACC win was Clemson, and to overcome that, they had to hire David Cutcliffe who is kind of a badass.
For those of you who are reading this and snoring by now (who am I kidding? all of my readers are nerds, right?) the point of all this is that while making pork chops recently, I spilled some flour on my kitchen counter. Pork chops are delicious and wildly underrated. I realized that I found myself yelling at real life in very much the same way that I yell at my Xbox. The flour fell, I said, "You're kidding." And then, somehow, my baking soda fell behind it. I legitimately yelled, "Come on!" at nobody. I had valueless white powder all over my counter top and I was doing psychologically worse than yelling an a computer.
I was a little bit comforted, and that's when I knew there was a problem. I would rather my insane yelling at video games be consistent with my normal behavior than an aberration restricted to virtual sports and just yell at nothing than just accept this quirk. At least I had pork chops, right?
For those of you who are reading this and snoring by now (who am I kidding? all of my readers are nerds, right?) the point of all this is that while making pork chops recently, I spilled some flour on my kitchen counter. Pork chops are delicious and wildly underrated. I realized that I found myself yelling at real life in very much the same way that I yell at my Xbox. The flour fell, I said, "You're kidding." And then, somehow, my baking soda fell behind it. I legitimately yelled, "Come on!" at nobody. I had valueless white powder all over my counter top and I was doing psychologically worse than yelling an a computer.
I was a little bit comforted, and that's when I knew there was a problem. I would rather my insane yelling at video games be consistent with my normal behavior than an aberration restricted to virtual sports and just yell at nothing than just accept this quirk. At least I had pork chops, right?
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Just a little outside
I have a very long commute to work in the morning. This has caused me to exceed the warranty on my car in a comically fast fashion (that, along with travel to such exotic locales as Atlanta, Clemson and the Homeland). Other benefits include consuming a lot of of radio (still haven't gotten an iPod or an iPhone. What is wrong with me?), some of which is talk radio. This prompted a certain friend of mine to say to me, "You listen to AM talk radio? What are you, like close to death old?" Yes. I am close to death old because I like to listen to ESPN radio and the news.
That last one might not help my cause, but if you look on my link section, you can see that my interest in the news is of a semi-professional interest. (I say "semi" because I don't get paid in actual "money.") The former, though, is completely in bounds, I think. I caught some of Mike and Mike this morning on the way in and was struck by something, though: a lot of people on the radio are not really that good. Sporst in particular has a bit of a weird issue with this, because sports jounralism is necessarily local (or at least regional) due to concentrated loyalties and interest. Try talking Big Ten football with a resident of Georgia or South Carolina. You'll be laughed all the way back to Columbus (OH). And rightfully so.
National sports figures are famous, frequently, for their non-sports production as much as they are for their sports broadcasting or content. Bill Simmons, Peter King, and John Madden (and Mike and Mike, for that matter). This is because, in my mind, ESPN.com, SI.com and ESPN radio have sufficiently large market share that they basically only have to put competent people out there to get an audience. How many people who use Windows or Internet Explorer o so because they tried all the competition and liked it best? My guess is the same number of pirates who don't regret trying to capture the Maersk Alabama.
This leads me to my most paramount rule of irritation when consuming media: if I (or someone I know) can do a job better than a professional making millions of dollars, then that contract is probably ill-advised. I could not write an operating system or internet browser very well, so I'm going to let Bill Gates slide. But he knows I have my eye on him.
I think anyone who watches a lot of sports could do Mike and Mike's show. I think there are probably some rather intelligent pets that could write Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback column. (A friend of mine insists that her Jack Russell has the vocabulary of a 5 year old!) Bill Simmons is talented but burnt out or lazy now or bored. The point is, if I watched sports for 25 hours a week, I could host a 3 hour talk show a day about it, especially if I had a friend with me. I could probably write a weekly column, too. If you put me on ESPN radio and published me on SI.com, people would listen and read because they are big media outlets. With backing like that, I could also even get players, press offices, agents and even owners to take my calls.
Really, what this tells me is that after all this driving in the mornings, I should just break down and buy an iPod Touch and be done with it. That way, I could get angry over podcasts, too.
That last one might not help my cause, but if you look on my link section, you can see that my interest in the news is of a semi-professional interest. (I say "semi" because I don't get paid in actual "money.") The former, though, is completely in bounds, I think. I caught some of Mike and Mike this morning on the way in and was struck by something, though: a lot of people on the radio are not really that good. Sporst in particular has a bit of a weird issue with this, because sports jounralism is necessarily local (or at least regional) due to concentrated loyalties and interest. Try talking Big Ten football with a resident of Georgia or South Carolina. You'll be laughed all the way back to Columbus (OH). And rightfully so.
National sports figures are famous, frequently, for their non-sports production as much as they are for their sports broadcasting or content. Bill Simmons, Peter King, and John Madden (and Mike and Mike, for that matter). This is because, in my mind, ESPN.com, SI.com and ESPN radio have sufficiently large market share that they basically only have to put competent people out there to get an audience. How many people who use Windows or Internet Explorer o so because they tried all the competition and liked it best? My guess is the same number of pirates who don't regret trying to capture the Maersk Alabama.
This leads me to my most paramount rule of irritation when consuming media: if I (or someone I know) can do a job better than a professional making millions of dollars, then that contract is probably ill-advised. I could not write an operating system or internet browser very well, so I'm going to let Bill Gates slide. But he knows I have my eye on him.
I think anyone who watches a lot of sports could do Mike and Mike's show. I think there are probably some rather intelligent pets that could write Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback column. (A friend of mine insists that her Jack Russell has the vocabulary of a 5 year old!) Bill Simmons is talented but burnt out or lazy now or bored. The point is, if I watched sports for 25 hours a week, I could host a 3 hour talk show a day about it, especially if I had a friend with me. I could probably write a weekly column, too. If you put me on ESPN radio and published me on SI.com, people would listen and read because they are big media outlets. With backing like that, I could also even get players, press offices, agents and even owners to take my calls.
Really, what this tells me is that after all this driving in the mornings, I should just break down and buy an iPod Touch and be done with it. That way, I could get angry over podcasts, too.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
They hit a grand slam
I saw the greatest commercial ever yesterday. I think it was a Super Bowl commercial, so I might be a little behind the eight ball on this one, but a late compliment is still better than no compliment. When I say greatest, it might be a little bit of an exaggeration. It is, however, on the level of Free Pie and Chips.
I don't want to jump right into it, because I don't like spoiling surprises. I like the build up. Do you remember the funniest commercial you ever saw? Did it involve a talking animal, like a lizard convincing you to buy beer or a chihuahua trying to sell you on... meat? It's not really Mexican food or even food in the abstract, but they call it meat so I'll be charitable. Geico had some great ones, like the Lauren Wallace series and the aforementioned Pie and Chips. I miss him.
Somehow, I missed this one at the Super Bowl. I don't know how, but then again, I wasn't really paying that much attention. So I guess I kind of do know how. I wanted the Cardinals to win, because they have a cool story and they had such a long line of futility and Larry Fitzgerald is a mad man and I'm pretty sure that Ben Roethlisberger is borderline retarded. But he has twice as many Super Bowl rings as Peyton Manning, so I guess having an IQ of 80 isn't so bad after all.
I don't even want to give away the what happens in this commercial, because it cracked me up so hard. I was in tears and laughing uncontrollably for like 7 minutes. That hasn't happened since the last time I watched Beerfest with Wachapreague Warrior. I backed up on my DVR. Here's my advice: watch it once, then count to ten, then watch it again. Let it sink in. It is comedic brilliance on the order of Blazing Saddles. I like pancakes, too.
I don't want to jump right into it, because I don't like spoiling surprises. I like the build up. Do you remember the funniest commercial you ever saw? Did it involve a talking animal, like a lizard convincing you to buy beer or a chihuahua trying to sell you on... meat? It's not really Mexican food or even food in the abstract, but they call it meat so I'll be charitable. Geico had some great ones, like the Lauren Wallace series and the aforementioned Pie and Chips. I miss him.
Somehow, I missed this one at the Super Bowl. I don't know how, but then again, I wasn't really paying that much attention. So I guess I kind of do know how. I wanted the Cardinals to win, because they have a cool story and they had such a long line of futility and Larry Fitzgerald is a mad man and I'm pretty sure that Ben Roethlisberger is borderline retarded. But he has twice as many Super Bowl rings as Peyton Manning, so I guess having an IQ of 80 isn't so bad after all.
I don't even want to give away the what happens in this commercial, because it cracked me up so hard. I was in tears and laughing uncontrollably for like 7 minutes. That hasn't happened since the last time I watched Beerfest with Wachapreague Warrior. I backed up on my DVR. Here's my advice: watch it once, then count to ten, then watch it again. Let it sink in. It is comedic brilliance on the order of Blazing Saddles. I like pancakes, too.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Best. Campaign. Ever.
Here's another thing that I hate: people in blogs who don't write for a long time and then come back and say, "Oh, I'm sorry I have been away so long! Here's what I did..." That's not what this blog is about, and if you were expecting that, then I'm not sure you'd enjoy this blog anyway. Go read some camwhore's Amazon wishlist. Just assume I was doing pretty much what you were doing, except four or five times more awesome. Yeah. It was that good.
I try to avoid politics here, because I write about that other places and I know that not all four of you like politics. But the next few months are going to be amazing. We just finished the Olympics, where we were beaten in the golds by the evil Chinese, Democratic Convention was this week, Republican is next week, college football opens this weekend (I will be in Atlanta watching Clemson crush the Crimson Tide, by the way, look for me -- you'll know me when you see me), and McCain announced his running mate today. And it's a girl! (I think my little brother has a crush on her.) This makes this race exciting again, and maybe even more accessible to people who care more about Dancing With the Stars. (I'm guessing, I don't watch that show. Although I do think it would fun if Missouri settles their electoral votes by a dance-off. Maine should do a lobster-off. There need to be more competitions ending in -off in my life.)
Joe Biden is a fun pick too, because he's like your crazy old uncle who has opinions on everything and doesn't give a damn about who is listening. I love that in a politician. And an uncle. But most of the excitement on Democrats came when Obama joined this shindig, and that's yesterday's news now. Like bologna. That's right, I don't eat bologna anymore.
I'm pretty sure I've said this here before, but election season is like my World Cup. It comes around every four years, most of the country is really bored when it happens, and I like to wear a cape made from the flag of my favorite team while watching. I can't really intelligently make a soccer analogy, because I don't understand how the game works, but imagine if an extremely exciting game became boring (tough, I know) and then suddenly became the most exciting game ever played. That's what I'm looking at right now. No matter what happens, history will be made, like if a baby led the Lions to a Super Bowl. Can you imagine? The Lions in the Super Bowl?
I try to avoid politics here, because I write about that other places and I know that not all four of you like politics. But the next few months are going to be amazing. We just finished the Olympics, where we were beaten in the golds by the evil Chinese, Democratic Convention was this week, Republican is next week, college football opens this weekend (I will be in Atlanta watching Clemson crush the Crimson Tide, by the way, look for me -- you'll know me when you see me), and McCain announced his running mate today. And it's a girl! (I think my little brother has a crush on her.) This makes this race exciting again, and maybe even more accessible to people who care more about Dancing With the Stars. (I'm guessing, I don't watch that show. Although I do think it would fun if Missouri settles their electoral votes by a dance-off. Maine should do a lobster-off. There need to be more competitions ending in -off in my life.)
Joe Biden is a fun pick too, because he's like your crazy old uncle who has opinions on everything and doesn't give a damn about who is listening. I love that in a politician. And an uncle. But most of the excitement on Democrats came when Obama joined this shindig, and that's yesterday's news now. Like bologna. That's right, I don't eat bologna anymore.
I'm pretty sure I've said this here before, but election season is like my World Cup. It comes around every four years, most of the country is really bored when it happens, and I like to wear a cape made from the flag of my favorite team while watching. I can't really intelligently make a soccer analogy, because I don't understand how the game works, but imagine if an extremely exciting game became boring (tough, I know) and then suddenly became the most exciting game ever played. That's what I'm looking at right now. No matter what happens, history will be made, like if a baby led the Lions to a Super Bowl. Can you imagine? The Lions in the Super Bowl?
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Super Week!
Hey, I heard there's a football game on today. It's supposed to be super. Every single person I've spoken to has said that they aren't particularly excited about the game, because at this point everyone hates the Patriots and nobody liked the Giants before anyway. I knew a guy at Clemson who liked Eli, though, which always amused me; it was like wishing that Rambo would have starred Frank Stallone instead. Frankly, I think that the Pats are unstoppable, but I can't say I'm terribly happy about it. Also, I hope the commercials are a little better this year than they have in the past years.
Tuesday is also a super day. Super Tuesday, in fact. I think it's also Mardi Gras, but I'm neither Catholic nor Cajun, so it really doesn't have a huge impact on me. I did make gumbo for the game tonight, though. But I think I'm looking forward to Tuesday than I am about the game. You see, this is the first time I get to go to the polls to vote for President of the United States. (I had to do it by absentee ballot before. As far as civic satisfaction goes, you don't get quite the same feeling as pulling a lever, or in my case, using a touch screen to identify my candidate in the same way that you make reservations at Epcot.) Afterwards, I get to come home and drink martinis while watching the returns come in. Election day is too class a day to drink anything other than martinis. I want to have a small party for it. I already know that I am taking off Nov 4.
Here's a little way to make Super Tuesday more fun (as if it could be any more fun!):
-Every time somebody says "Too close to call," you drink.
-Every time a future press conference by a candidate is referenced, you drink.
-Every time Keith Olbermann takes a gratuitous shot at Bush, you drink. (Be careful if watch MSNBC with this one...)
-Every time Keith Olbermann does something unnecessarily smug while trying to make a joke that isn't funny, you drink. (This will be the last Keith one, because this game could be dangerous. I don't want to be a case study for a Law & Order episode where somebody dies from reading a blog entry. Actually, that would be pretty awesome.)
-Every time Chris Matthews throws in an unnecessary compliment to some guest on his show that you've never heard of, you drink.
-Every time Chris Matthews's smile reminds you of the smile of your five year old nephew (not to mention haircut), you drink.
-Every time Brit Hume looks disgusted by the lack of professionalism by someone on his panel, you drink.
-Every time a pundit is confused by a disagreement between polling data and actual election returns, you drink.
-Every time a candidate who lost a state makes it sound like they really won it, you drink. (You may have to stay up late for this one.)
-Every time someone says "Billary," you drink.
-Every time someone compares Obama to JFK, you drink.
-Every time someone talks about Mitt Romney's hair, you drink.
-Every time someone talks about how conservatives don't like McCain, you drink.
-Every time we are reminded by a commentator how relevant Huckabee still is, you drink.
If you aren't laughing at all of Romney's and Olbermann's jokes after an hour with this game, then I don't know what to tell you. Sláinte!
Tuesday is also a super day. Super Tuesday, in fact. I think it's also Mardi Gras, but I'm neither Catholic nor Cajun, so it really doesn't have a huge impact on me. I did make gumbo for the game tonight, though. But I think I'm looking forward to Tuesday than I am about the game. You see, this is the first time I get to go to the polls to vote for President of the United States. (I had to do it by absentee ballot before. As far as civic satisfaction goes, you don't get quite the same feeling as pulling a lever, or in my case, using a touch screen to identify my candidate in the same way that you make reservations at Epcot.) Afterwards, I get to come home and drink martinis while watching the returns come in. Election day is too class a day to drink anything other than martinis. I want to have a small party for it. I already know that I am taking off Nov 4.
Here's a little way to make Super Tuesday more fun (as if it could be any more fun!):
-Every time somebody says "Too close to call," you drink.
-Every time a future press conference by a candidate is referenced, you drink.
-Every time Keith Olbermann takes a gratuitous shot at Bush, you drink. (Be careful if watch MSNBC with this one...)
-Every time Keith Olbermann does something unnecessarily smug while trying to make a joke that isn't funny, you drink. (This will be the last Keith one, because this game could be dangerous. I don't want to be a case study for a Law & Order episode where somebody dies from reading a blog entry. Actually, that would be pretty awesome.)
-Every time Chris Matthews throws in an unnecessary compliment to some guest on his show that you've never heard of, you drink.
-Every time Chris Matthews's smile reminds you of the smile of your five year old nephew (not to mention haircut), you drink.
-Every time Brit Hume looks disgusted by the lack of professionalism by someone on his panel, you drink.
-Every time a pundit is confused by a disagreement between polling data and actual election returns, you drink.
-Every time a candidate who lost a state makes it sound like they really won it, you drink. (You may have to stay up late for this one.)
-Every time someone says "Billary," you drink.
-Every time someone compares Obama to JFK, you drink.
-Every time someone talks about Mitt Romney's hair, you drink.
-Every time someone talks about how conservatives don't like McCain, you drink.
-Every time we are reminded by a commentator how relevant Huckabee still is, you drink.
If you aren't laughing at all of Romney's and Olbermann's jokes after an hour with this game, then I don't know what to tell you. Sláinte!
Sunday, April 29, 2007
It's a little drafty in here.
So, I watched most of the NFL draft yesterday, and I cannot begin with the complaints about the talk about Brady Quinn until I post my excitement about Gaines Adams, Defensive End from Clemson University going to Tampa Bay. I might have to purchase a jersey, and from what I hear I'm not really the sort to buy jerseys. This isn't a sports blog, I realize, so I'll try to lay off the sports heavy material and only focus on the general complaints of the viewing experience.
First, the NFL can never ever allow the draft to go as long as it did yesterday. That is, if it expects to keep viewers. It was the longest first round in the history of the draft, which means it was like 1.25 times more boring than usual. I understand it takes a certain kind of fan to watch the draft (of which I am one), and if it's like this again next year they can count me out. 15 minutes is the amount of time between picks, and typically, only bastard teams use all 15 of those minutes. Most of them did this year, because of that bastard quarterback Brady Quinn.
I want to quote one of the soulless commentators (I don't remember which one, but none of them have souls), who has obviously lost touch with what it means to be an actual person: "I'm starting to feel bad for Brady Quinn." For those of you who don't know, Brady Quinn was the quarterback for Notre Dame, which is a school in Indiana that has an inexplicably large amount of attention paid to it. He had an average career with very impressive statistics. The kid was going to a very prestigious and expensive private school for free, and as the starting QB for ND gets on TV every Saturday. As a result, girls will, inevitably, want to sleep with him. It doesn't hurt that he is going to be a professional football player and make in the tens of millions of dollars. The reason that the soulless TV guy felt bad for him was because the difference between the #10 pick, where he might have gone, and the #22 pick, where he did go, is like $25 million.
Sure, it sounds like a lot of money, and it is. But he's 22 years old. If he's any good (which he may or may not be), that amount that he lost in the first contract will be about as insignificant as Joe Biden in the presidential race. He's a college graduate now, and he's falling into this job. It's hard, really, to sympathize about him losing $25 million in four hours. Yes, it's a little traumatic to watch as they show this kid on the screen, but he's going to be a millionaire. Like next week. For sports fans, it's more aggravating than people who pronounce "ASAP" because we've been hearing about this slightly above average quarterback non-stop for like two years now. I know that it's never really a good idea to enjoy somebody else's misfortune, but I think it's ok when that misfortune is a kid who's younger than me getting a $15 million contract to throw a ball.
First, the NFL can never ever allow the draft to go as long as it did yesterday. That is, if it expects to keep viewers. It was the longest first round in the history of the draft, which means it was like 1.25 times more boring than usual. I understand it takes a certain kind of fan to watch the draft (of which I am one), and if it's like this again next year they can count me out. 15 minutes is the amount of time between picks, and typically, only bastard teams use all 15 of those minutes. Most of them did this year, because of that bastard quarterback Brady Quinn.
I want to quote one of the soulless commentators (I don't remember which one, but none of them have souls), who has obviously lost touch with what it means to be an actual person: "I'm starting to feel bad for Brady Quinn." For those of you who don't know, Brady Quinn was the quarterback for Notre Dame, which is a school in Indiana that has an inexplicably large amount of attention paid to it. He had an average career with very impressive statistics. The kid was going to a very prestigious and expensive private school for free, and as the starting QB for ND gets on TV every Saturday. As a result, girls will, inevitably, want to sleep with him. It doesn't hurt that he is going to be a professional football player and make in the tens of millions of dollars. The reason that the soulless TV guy felt bad for him was because the difference between the #10 pick, where he might have gone, and the #22 pick, where he did go, is like $25 million.
Sure, it sounds like a lot of money, and it is. But he's 22 years old. If he's any good (which he may or may not be), that amount that he lost in the first contract will be about as insignificant as Joe Biden in the presidential race. He's a college graduate now, and he's falling into this job. It's hard, really, to sympathize about him losing $25 million in four hours. Yes, it's a little traumatic to watch as they show this kid on the screen, but he's going to be a millionaire. Like next week. For sports fans, it's more aggravating than people who pronounce "ASAP" because we've been hearing about this slightly above average quarterback non-stop for like two years now. I know that it's never really a good idea to enjoy somebody else's misfortune, but I think it's ok when that misfortune is a kid who's younger than me getting a $15 million contract to throw a ball.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
I wonder if she could play tennis... in the Labyrinth
A few things kind of clicked for me today as I was watching Dark City. This epiphany probably isn't going to be what you're thinking, unless you're thinking Jennifer Connelly. In that movie (released in 1998) it made me think that when she is at her prime, there probably isn't an actress in Hollywood better looking than her. Then I was reminded of a discussion of Anna Kournikova I had while watching the Duke basketball game (¡desastre!) and how it seemed absurd how she's one of the most famous tennis players of the past decade and she sucks at tennis. But we all know her because she's gorgeous. And in case you don't, here are pictures.
Life is just easier for people who are that good looking. I think on some level, average looking people hate them for it. Then again, you want to root for the pretty ones, too. It's a weird duality of opinions that's hard to explain. Think about it -- when you watch a movie or a sporting event or something, if you have no other rooting interest, you'll cheer for the prettier, won't you? I do that with Jeopardy sometimes. I either want the prettiest girl or the person with the coolest voice to win. And if a hot chick (well, Jeopardy hot) is up against a heavy black guy from Alabama with a really deep voice, I'm a little conflicted; tie goes to the female.
Think about the Patriots. In 2001, they were the underdogs, so we kind of wanted them to win. They continued their workmanlike approach to building a football program, and it worked. Good coaching, discipline and focus on teamwork led to success. They would, of course,won two of the next three, now most folks are tired of them. (By the way, the Super Bowl in that stretch that the Pats didn't win was won by The Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I will also be cheering for Indy on Sunday, in case you wanted that information.) Also, Bill Belichick dresses like a hobo.
When you see beautiful women getting to cut in line or discounts or something, doesn't it bother you a little bit? But if you were in a position to give it to them, would you? (If you are a lady reading this, just make the appropriate gender substitutions yourself.) You'd at least think about it. It doesn't seem fair, really. But I think that's just something that ugly people say.
Life is just easier for people who are that good looking. I think on some level, average looking people hate them for it. Then again, you want to root for the pretty ones, too. It's a weird duality of opinions that's hard to explain. Think about it -- when you watch a movie or a sporting event or something, if you have no other rooting interest, you'll cheer for the prettier, won't you? I do that with Jeopardy sometimes. I either want the prettiest girl or the person with the coolest voice to win. And if a hot chick (well, Jeopardy hot) is up against a heavy black guy from Alabama with a really deep voice, I'm a little conflicted; tie goes to the female.
Think about the Patriots. In 2001, they were the underdogs, so we kind of wanted them to win. They continued their workmanlike approach to building a football program, and it worked. Good coaching, discipline and focus on teamwork led to success. They would, of course,won two of the next three, now most folks are tired of them. (By the way, the Super Bowl in that stretch that the Pats didn't win was won by The Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I will also be cheering for Indy on Sunday, in case you wanted that information.) Also, Bill Belichick dresses like a hobo.
When you see beautiful women getting to cut in line or discounts or something, doesn't it bother you a little bit? But if you were in a position to give it to them, would you? (If you are a lady reading this, just make the appropriate gender substitutions yourself.) You'd at least think about it. It doesn't seem fair, really. But I think that's just something that ugly people say.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
But wait, I own that
On my way back from church today, I heard What is and What Should Never Be on the radio. That's great, because Led Zeppelin is pretty awesome. As I'm pulling into my driveway, though, they followed it up with Hey Hey What Can I Do, which, by any metric that songs are measured, is at least four or five times as awesome as WiaWSNB. I considered sitting in my driveway, listening to this epic sonic masterpiece, with my key in the ACC position, which I interpret as the major American automakers rebelling against crappy Big Ten football. I decided against it, though, in part because it was cold. I also own that song on cd, so I could listen to it in my bedroom with much louder speakers.
There aren't that many songs that really make you want to sit in the car after you get home and finish them. I can think of maybe 5 -- Hey Jude, Good Vibrations, Layla, When the Levee Breaks, Can't Always Get What You Want, November Rain and if I'm feeling charitable, Won't Get Fooled Again -- and I own most of them. Even though I still own them, it still has a different feel when I hear them on the radio, as you I was meant to hear that song right then. Complaining about a bad test? You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need. Then again, it could go the other way: Cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good. When God speaks to me through the radio, I listen.
It's kind of the same way with movies on tv. If you're flipping through the channels and nothing is on, but you come across The Hunt for Red October, that's a huge find, compared to reruns of Murder, She Wrote and the Lifetime channel. But, even though you probably own this movie, you probably don't feel like committing to the two hours and fifteen minutes to watch it. But tuning in on USA to hear Sam Neill say, "I would've liked to have seen Montana," is totally worthwhile. Way better than whatever movie Lifetime is showing, even if it has a former power ranger with an eating disorder in it.
What has this effect on you? Do you stay in your car to listen to Stayin' Alive? (I certainly hope not.) Will you stop on tv for Coyote Ugly (which, incidentally, I own but have never actually watched, but that's a story for another day)?
There aren't that many songs that really make you want to sit in the car after you get home and finish them. I can think of maybe 5 -- Hey Jude, Good Vibrations, Layla, When the Levee Breaks, Can't Always Get What You Want, November Rain and if I'm feeling charitable, Won't Get Fooled Again -- and I own most of them. Even though I still own them, it still has a different feel when I hear them on the radio, as you I was meant to hear that song right then. Complaining about a bad test? You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need. Then again, it could go the other way: Cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good. When God speaks to me through the radio, I listen.
It's kind of the same way with movies on tv. If you're flipping through the channels and nothing is on, but you come across The Hunt for Red October, that's a huge find, compared to reruns of Murder, She Wrote and the Lifetime channel. But, even though you probably own this movie, you probably don't feel like committing to the two hours and fifteen minutes to watch it. But tuning in on USA to hear Sam Neill say, "I would've liked to have seen Montana," is totally worthwhile. Way better than whatever movie Lifetime is showing, even if it has a former power ranger with an eating disorder in it.
What has this effect on you? Do you stay in your car to listen to Stayin' Alive? (I certainly hope not.) Will you stop on tv for Coyote Ugly (which, incidentally, I own but have never actually watched, but that's a story for another day)?
Sunday, January 14, 2007
We're all living in a material world and I am a material girl (or boy)
I had my first on-site interview of my graduate career, so I have been busy this past week. I flew into Washington, DC (my first time there) and saw the Capitol all lit up and the Washington Monument in the distance... all from the tiny, tiny window in the airplane on the taxiway. I would have liked to get a slightly closer view, but I didn't really have time for that. I had roughly 1 hour of unscheduled time that didn't have to be spent driving, so getting in and out of Reagan-National to the Mall just wasn't in the cards.
This started to get me thinking about having real money, as opposed to graduate student money, which is largely imaginary. They try to convince you that since you get tuition for free that you're really making $40k more than you're actually getting paid, and here's what I have to say to that: bunk. Christmas and my birthday just happened, though, so I'm financially secure for a little while at least. One of the things that comes up a lot is the living arrangements, since it would be awfully grand to have a little more room to put my useless junk. Buy or rent is a big question, and it's one of those that makes you realize you've transitioned from interesting, young person into a boring adult. Next I'll be talking to people about interest rates on investments. Good Lord, now I remember why I went to grad school to avoid this in the first place.
Anyway, the fun things are that I can start to think about what I want to put into that house. Since I'm going to start making something like 5 times what I currently make at any job, in my estimation, that's essentially limitless funds. Wondering if I should get the SNL DVD box set this month or next month will seem a little trivial. At least I hope so. But there are things that I think I want in my so-called "dream house" that without them would really fall short of my "dream." So, basically, here is a list of things that I will consider my life a monetary failure if I don't have them in one of the houses I will eventually live in:
I kind of already have that last one now; my roommate bought a hugous projector so I got to watch the National Championship game in nearly life size. I'm glad the Gators won, but I think I'm already getting tired of Gator fans. Anyway, it's about lunchtime and I'm going to go and pout since I can't get my drink from a fountain.
This started to get me thinking about having real money, as opposed to graduate student money, which is largely imaginary. They try to convince you that since you get tuition for free that you're really making $40k more than you're actually getting paid, and here's what I have to say to that: bunk. Christmas and my birthday just happened, though, so I'm financially secure for a little while at least. One of the things that comes up a lot is the living arrangements, since it would be awfully grand to have a little more room to put my useless junk. Buy or rent is a big question, and it's one of those that makes you realize you've transitioned from interesting, young person into a boring adult. Next I'll be talking to people about interest rates on investments. Good Lord, now I remember why I went to grad school to avoid this in the first place.
Anyway, the fun things are that I can start to think about what I want to put into that house. Since I'm going to start making something like 5 times what I currently make at any job, in my estimation, that's essentially limitless funds. Wondering if I should get the SNL DVD box set this month or next month will seem a little trivial. At least I hope so. But there are things that I think I want in my so-called "dream house" that without them would really fall short of my "dream." So, basically, here is a list of things that I will consider my life a monetary failure if I don't have them in one of the houses I will eventually live in:
- Water fountain - For some reason, water just tastes better to me when it comes out really cold in a water fountain. Unless it's an old fountain, then it reminds me of the older gym I used to play basketball in when I was younger, which made everyone wonder if the metal in the pipes was being entrained (we probably wouldn't have used this word then) into the flow (sorry, engineering thinking coming out) and into our mouths. Almost made going thirsty seem preferable.
- Urinal - Honestly, if you went into someone's bathroom and found a urinal, wouldn't you be intrigued? It would be really convenient and probably save a lot of water in the long run, so in my laziness I'm really trying to help save the world.
- Fireman pole - This would be way more awesome than stairs. The only trouble is that I would need stairs to get back up anyway, unless I have like Batman (Adam West era) had with rocket powered launchers to carry me back up. Might be cost prohibitive, but I can think of nothing that would be more awesome than that.
- Toucan - For some reason, I've always wanted a toucan. And I think I would let him try to crush the skull of anyone with his absurd beak if they ask if his name is "Sam."
- Movie theatre - It wouldn't have to be very big, but it would be neat to have a small room with an overwhelmingly large television that's stadium seated. Maybe have room for 12 people or so, not too gawdy, but be slanted like the floors in a theater. We could watch movies in there, or just things like the news or, if I'm really bored, the Food Network. It seems like everybody's watching that these days and it would give me something to talk about.
I kind of already have that last one now; my roommate bought a hugous projector so I got to watch the National Championship game in nearly life size. I'm glad the Gators won, but I think I'm already getting tired of Gator fans. Anyway, it's about lunchtime and I'm going to go and pout since I can't get my drink from a fountain.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Holy Crap! Two in one day!
Terry Bradshaw, a bloke who is an NFL hall of famer, is now an announcer at various levels of football and a huge idiot. Wait, that sentence was ambiguous; Bradshaw's always been an idiot. In the year immediately following the Janet Jackson Nipple Incident (JJNI), Paul McCartney was selected to perform at the half-time show because he's a lot less likely to get naked after his songs (although it would shore up the aging female Baby Boomer demographic...). In the pregame for this Super Bowl, Bradshaw sang "A Hard Day's Night" with Sir Paul, which would be thrilling for anyone, even an NFL Hall of Famer with four Super Bowl rings. So thrilling that he got the words wrong. In fact, the next year, even Howie Long, another idiot extraordinaire, called him out on it. I include this to make clear that I am no fan of Bradshaw (or Long and his horrible, horrible Radio Shack commercials. Teri Hatcher is ok, though.).
Bradshaw and Long were in the booth of the Sugar Bowl last night, and I was braced for horror -- like Aliens popping out of your chest horror. Fortunately for me, I didn't have to kill myself after watching the telecast. Bradshaw and Long weren't awful. In fact, they were good. Bradshaw made comments about what the QB was looking for in coverages, how even though a particular pass was complete is wasn't well thrown, and even said that he wasn't smart enough to play for LSU. That level of self-deprecation deserves to be rewarded. Not smart enough for
LSU.
I watch a lot of football, so I know a little about the game and football theory. I can identify a dumb play call or a poorly executed run. But I've never played quarterback and would have no idea how to tell if a defensive back is in man or zone based on how there eyes scan the offense or exactly what went wrong on the release which led to a spectacular catch. That's the sort of commentary I'd like to see in my football. I could give a damn about listening to Jamie Foxx or Matthew McConaughey has to say about anything. You hear that Kornheiser? I don't like Bradshaw as an interviewer or sports anchor, but I will never bitch about his commentary again.
Bradshaw and Long were in the booth of the Sugar Bowl last night, and I was braced for horror -- like Aliens popping out of your chest horror. Fortunately for me, I didn't have to kill myself after watching the telecast. Bradshaw and Long weren't awful. In fact, they were good. Bradshaw made comments about what the QB was looking for in coverages, how even though a particular pass was complete is wasn't well thrown, and even said that he wasn't smart enough to play for LSU. That level of self-deprecation deserves to be rewarded. Not smart enough for
LSU.
I watch a lot of football, so I know a little about the game and football theory. I can identify a dumb play call or a poorly executed run. But I've never played quarterback and would have no idea how to tell if a defensive back is in man or zone based on how there eyes scan the offense or exactly what went wrong on the release which led to a spectacular catch. That's the sort of commentary I'd like to see in my football. I could give a damn about listening to Jamie Foxx or Matthew McConaughey has to say about anything. You hear that Kornheiser? I don't like Bradshaw as an interviewer or sports anchor, but I will never bitch about his commentary again.
Ironies of the Holidays
I got a pretty healthy injection to my wardrobe over the past two weeks. Good thing, too, because I was starting to look like a hobo. I think the clothes all look better than what I was wearing before, but I still don't trust myself to select things by myself in the future. It's like being in the cockpit of an airplane; a layperson can identify someone who is a good or bad pilot pretty easily, but making those decisions yourself it's a little intimidating so it's nice to have someone in there with you.
I think that the reason people always talk about getting into shape as their New Year's resolutions is so that they can fit into all those new clothes they just got. Every time I go home, I feel like I gain 15 pounds because my mom is a very good cook, but her sense of proportion is a little off. For example, the amount of food she makes for a meal would be appropriate if my family were the defensive line for the Miami Dolphins. We usually don't go hungry. Now, though, I need to discipline myself into resuming exercise or exchange all my pants.
I guess I should've been more active while I was at home, but I was really looking forward to the bowl season. That's really an unusual source of regret, don't you think? For like a month and a half, I was looking forward to watching all of the college football games (I pretty much achieved it, except for the odd one that even I couldn't muster any interest in or were airing simultaneously), but now I wish I had, maybe, played a game of basketball or something. The weather was nice, and I don't think I took sufficient advantage of it because I slavishly obeyed my plan. Maybe next year.
There's also a lot of family that explodes over Christmas. I find it amusing how easily it is to get worn out and run out of things to say to the more tangential relatives. It's also tiring to tell the same stories over and over again to different people, which I think is a big part of the problem. I should write out a pamphlet with the essentials and just hand them out when I meet people I haven't seen for six months. "Oh, how's school going?" Look at bullet point #4. "How long do you get to stay?" Intro paragraph. If they have interesting questions, you know, the sort that I'd expect someone who has known me for my whole life to ask, then that's one thing. Maybe I'm just being picky. I should probably do some exercise anyway.
I think that the reason people always talk about getting into shape as their New Year's resolutions is so that they can fit into all those new clothes they just got. Every time I go home, I feel like I gain 15 pounds because my mom is a very good cook, but her sense of proportion is a little off. For example, the amount of food she makes for a meal would be appropriate if my family were the defensive line for the Miami Dolphins. We usually don't go hungry. Now, though, I need to discipline myself into resuming exercise or exchange all my pants.
I guess I should've been more active while I was at home, but I was really looking forward to the bowl season. That's really an unusual source of regret, don't you think? For like a month and a half, I was looking forward to watching all of the college football games (I pretty much achieved it, except for the odd one that even I couldn't muster any interest in or were airing simultaneously), but now I wish I had, maybe, played a game of basketball or something. The weather was nice, and I don't think I took sufficient advantage of it because I slavishly obeyed my plan. Maybe next year.
There's also a lot of family that explodes over Christmas. I find it amusing how easily it is to get worn out and run out of things to say to the more tangential relatives. It's also tiring to tell the same stories over and over again to different people, which I think is a big part of the problem. I should write out a pamphlet with the essentials and just hand them out when I meet people I haven't seen for six months. "Oh, how's school going?" Look at bullet point #4. "How long do you get to stay?" Intro paragraph. If they have interesting questions, you know, the sort that I'd expect someone who has known me for my whole life to ask, then that's one thing. Maybe I'm just being picky. I should probably do some exercise anyway.
Friday, December 15, 2006
My Bowl Predictions
I love this coming time of year. The Bowl Games fill me with a wondrous delight, making me wish that Div II got better coverage so I would care about it enough to want to faithfully watch all of their playoff games as well. The week from Christmas to New Year's is like God's present to me, because Christmas is pretty concentrated awesome, the good football games start, and it ends with my birthday. Bowl Week's gotten a little bloated, though, since now it's like 3 weeks. But who has two thumbs and isn't complaining about that? This guy.
Dec 19 - Poinsettia Bowl
Northern Illinois vs. TCU (-12.5)
NIU has got a great tailback and nothing else. TCU has a coach that probably belongs in a BCS conference. Frogs win big, beat the spread, but Garrett Wolfe gets like 1,000 yards.
Dec 21 - Las Vegas Bowl
BYU (-4.0) vs. Oregon
Oregon has been playing like hell lately, and BYU will get another chance to try to knock off a quality BCS opponent (they almost brought down BC in Cherry Hill). BYU has only lost two, the other being to Arizona (a team that also beat Oregon by a bigger margin). I think I'm going to have to take Oregon, though, because it's a well known fact that Mormons are afraid of Ducks.
Dec 22 - New Orleans Bowl
Rice (-6.0) vs. Troy
Wow. Two crappy teams playing for a bowl game who don't normally get to do that. Rice is on a 6 game winning streak right now, after losing to the likes of Houston, UCLA, Texas, Tulane and FSU (who put 55 on them, back when we thought FSU might still be good). Troy isn't quiet as hot right now, but they didn't get crushed as badly by Florida State. Troy lost to crappier teams, though, so it looks like Rice should win this one. Maybe Rice should try some jambalaya while they're in New Orleans.
Dec 23 - Papajohns.com Bowl
USF (-3.5) vs. ECU
Jim Leavitt has had the second best year of any Florida coach so far this year, and it's largely thanks to Matt Grothe, the talented freshman QB. The Pirates don't really have much on their resume, other than a win over NCSU, but they were pretty terrible this year. USF has wins over Pitt, UNC, WVU(!), and one that should've been a win against Rutgers. It's hard not to like the Bulls in this one, especially since Pirates are nowhere near as sweet as ninjas.
Dec 23 - New Mexico Bowl
New Mexico (-4.5) vs. San Jose St.
Anytime San Jose St. played anyone remotely good, they lost. NM at least beat Utah. I guess I'll take the Lobos, because apparently they get to play at home.
Dec 23 - Armed Forces Bowl
Tulsa vs. Utah (-2.5)
The Golden Hurricane of Tulsa has been a little off at the end of their season, but Utah's been going all right. The Runnin' Utes beat TCU, which is the best win between them. I'll go with Utah, even though Mormons don't have the same fear of Hurricanes that they do of ducks.
Dec 24 - Hawaii Bowl
Hawaii (-8.5) vs. Arizona State
This one's easy. Hawaii's Colt Brennan (yes, there are two QBs in NCAA football named Colt) has amassed PlayStation style numbers (53 TDs on the year!) and will tear apart ASU's defense through the air. Hawaii gets the game on their home field and the Devil's coach just got fired. The over/under is 74.5, and I gotta tell ya, the over would be tempting. But Hawaii wins big, by two TDs at least. I was about to say, "Wouldn't it suck to have to play football on Christmas Eve?" but then I remembered they're doing it in Hawaii, so I'm guessing not really.
Dec 26 - Motor City Bowl
Middle Tennessee vs. Central Michigan (-10.)
The only thing MTSU has going for it is that CMU's coach is heading to Cincinnati, but I don't think it'll be enough. CMU wins the game, but not the spread. It would probably suck worse to play in Detroit the day after Christmas, because they probably make you practice on the 25th. And Detroit's not exactly Hawaii.
Dec 27 - Emerald Bowl
FSU vs. UCLA (-5.0)
Wow. FSU is playing in a San Francisco bowl and isn't favored. I don't think UCLA will have any motivational problems, since FSU is still FSU, even if they aren't really this year. The Seminoles aren't really gelling, and I find it hard to believe that they will for this game, which is essentially meaningless. UCLA wins, and gets to end their season with wins over two storied programs who have been at their weakest points in the last five years. Next, Bruins Quarterback Patrick Cowan will beat up a cripple in La Jolla.
Dec 28 - Independence Bowl
Oklahoma State (-2.5) vs. Alabama
If Alabama had a coach, I might swing their way. But they don't, and may not have a permanent guy before this game happens. OKSt wins a close one, and the folks in Tuscaloosa are trying to remember why they fired Mike Shula.
Dec 28 - Holiday Bowl
Texas A&M vs. California (-5.5)
This is the very bowl where two years ago Cal got humiliated by Texas Tech after Mack Brown talked his way into the Rose Bowl to let Vince Young smoke Michigan the way he smoked the Texans last weekend. Although, the Michigan team may have been better than the Texans. Cal played two good teams, maybe three if you count UCLA or Oregon (you can't have both). They lost to two of them (or all of them, if you don't count UCLA or Oregon). TAMU has beaten Texas and Mizzou, and lost to OKSt and OU by a combined total of two points. I think Cal is in for another surprise; the Bears might win the first half, but the Aggies will take over in the second and win.
Dec 28 - Texas Bowl
Rutgers (-7.5) vs. Kansas State
Rutgers. Next.
Dec 29 - Gaylord Hotels Music Cirty Bowl
Clemson (-10) vs. Kentucky
I have to tell you, this game scares the hell out of me. We're favored by a lot, and my flag football team could probably score on Kentucky's defense. But the Tigers have been off their game ever since the VT blowout. I think we'll win, but I don't think we beat the spread. Vic Koenning needs to get our defense back to form, since we got manhandled by the Gamecocks on the ground.
Dec 29 - Sun Bowl
Oregon State (-3.5) vs. Missouri
Mizzou ended the season kind of poorly, but they lost to some quality opponents. Nebraska, Oklahoma, and Iowa State were three losses that ended three of their last four games. They probably should have lost all the games they did, except maybe Iowa State, and that's a close call, it was in Ames. Oregon State ended with a three game winning streak, topped off by a win over Hawaii. I think I'll take the Beavers in this one, but I must admit I don't really care that much.
Dec 29 - Liberty Bowl
USC (fake) (-7.0) vs. Houston
I think this is a game that the Cocks can lose, but I hope they don't because that would be embarrassing for us. I'll take South Carolina with the points.
Dec 29 - Insight Bowl
Texas Tech (-7.0) vs. Minnesota
I like Texas Tech a lot, and I'm glad that Leach won't be coaching in the ACC at Miami like he was rumored to be. Minnesota kind of sucks right now, so I'll definitely take Texas Tech in this one. Red Raiders steal the Golden Gophers' nuts. Do Gophers eat nuts? Well, regardless, the Raiders are stealing them.
Dec 29 - Champs Sports Bowl
Purdue vs. Maryland (even)
Maryland. Purdue sucks.
Dec 30 - Car Care Bowl
Navy vs. Boston College (-6.5)
Talk about an unfortunate match up. Navy is a solid team that could win this game, and if they don't, BC won't get any credit for it. Tom O'Brien won't be leading the Eagles against the Midshipmen, and I think that might be the difference in this game. Navy wins the spread, and I think they win this game, too. The option is just ca-razy.
Dec 30 - Alamo Bowl
Texas (-11.0) vs. Iowa
I would take Texas with a 15 point spread. Iowa was supposed to be good, but (surprise) they weren't really. Which is especially rough, since the Big Ten had two good times, one that might be good and the rest was crap. They finished with 2 conference wins, against Illinois and Purdue; they got beat by Indiana, Northwestern and Minnesota. You know what? I'd take Texas if it was a 20 point spread. UT by like three TDs. Actually, that's assuming Colt McCoy is healthy; if he's not that line is pretty accurate.
Dec 30 - Peach bowl
Georgia vs. Virginia Tech (-3.0)
People are giving UGa too much credit. The win over Auburn was definitely a good one, but other than that, this guy's not impressed. I would take VT with double the points. The Hokies are the best team in the ACC right now and will make the Bulldogs cry. The Gobbler will peck Uga's eyes out.
Dec 31 - MPC Computers
Miami (-3.0) vs. Nevada
This one is a hard one to read. Nevada will be super pumped to be playing Miami, and who knows how Miami will be feeling. Nevada hasn't really beaten anybody good, so I think that will make Miami feel like they can handle it on talent. I'll take Nevada in that case. I was going to make a joke involving the pistol offense, but then I remembered that one of the Miami players was actually shot, and that joke may not be in bounds.
Jan 1 - Outback Bowl
Penn State vs. Tennessee (-4.5)
Penn State isn't a bad team, but I think Tennessee is better. The Nittany Lions got hammered by Notre Dame, and I think the Vols look a lot like them, except better at every position other than QB. I doubt the score will be as gawdy as the Irish-Lions matchup, but Tennessee wins the spread.
Jan 1 - Cotton Bowl
Auburn (-3.0) vs. Nebraska
This is a rather good match up. Nebraska has played some good games this year, but I think that Auburn will probably be better in the end. Go Tigers! At least this gives the Cornhuskers a chance to escape the State of Nebraska, for a little while, anyway.
Jan 1 - Gator Bowl
Georgia Tech vs. West Virginia (-7.0)
Chan Gailey coached maybe the worst game of his life in one of his biggest, so I expect the Mountaineers to look good in Jacksonville, especially with a big crowd behind them. It would've been fun to see Clemson in this match up, but after letting Cory Boyd run all over us, I think it would've been pretty ugly. There's no telling where Reggie Ball's passes will end up, because he has been pretty terrible lately. WVU wins.
Jan 1 - Citrus Bowl
Arkansas (-1.0) vs. Wisconsin
This one has the most deceptive lines in all of the bowl games. Wisconsin has an 11-1 record, and their only loss comes to Michigan, who could've played in the title game. Arkansas has three losses, one came from USC while All-Everything RB Darren McFadden wasn't 100%, one from LSU in a rivalry game, and one from UF, in the SEC Championship game. The Razorback's wins, though, include an Auburn team when they were on, a solid South Carolina team and a good Tennessee team. Wisconsin, on the other hand, didn't play anybody. They will get exposed by McFadden in a big way. Arkansas by 14 at least.
Jan 1 - Rose Bowl
Michigan vs. USC (real) (-1.0)
Wow, I'm a little surprised that the Trojans are favored. I guess they are pretty much at home, but I do have to say that I like them in this one. I think UM is nowhere near as good as people think, because the Big Ten has been very weak, with the exception of Ohio State this year. The Wolverines could suffer from let-down syndrome, since they missed the big one. I don't think Carroll's squad will have that problem. USC wins by more than one, and Song Girls are way better than the UM cheerleaders.
Jan 1 - Fiesta Bowl
Boise State vs. Oklahoma (-8.0)
Sooners should win. Boise's a solid team, but OU has the best running back in college football and a serious defense. Sooners by 10.
Jan 2 - Orange Bowl
Louisville (-9.5) vs. Wake Forest
I think this is one of the most compelling match ups of the bowl games. Clearly, the smart money says the Cards will score huge on the Deacs. However, Wake has got solid coaching and has been able to run with all sorts of teams that have way more talent than they do. They also haven't gotten a lot of love from anybody so far. Their secondary will have a huge task trying to contain UL's passing attack, but I think they will keep it close. Cardinals win the game, but not the spread.
Jan 3 - Sugar Bowl
Notre Dame vs. LSU (-8.5)
I don't see the attraction to Notre Dame. I don't know why so many people like them. Did they buy everyone hookers once? The Irish are in way over their head on this one. I think that people are going nuts over Charlie Weis way prematurely. He had a great big pile of Catholic money dumped on him, and I don't think he's done anything at Notre Dame that any other above average coach wouldn't have been able to do. They have an overrated team, and overrated coach and are playing a game in which they don't belong. LSU could've been the best team in the country and would be in the title picture if a few questionable calls went the other way against Auburn. The Tigers will crush the Irish in ways that the Irish have never been crushed before, but that won't stop them from getting embarrassed in a bowl game they shouldn't go to again next year. ND has the longest active losing streak in bowls. Tell you something? I will still watch this game, even though it will be the most one-sided of all BCS bowls, because ND deserves having everyone to watch them get beaten badly for taking the spot of a more deserving team.
Jan 6 - International Bowl
Western Michigan vs. Cincinnati (-8.0)
What the hell is this game doing so late in the bowl season? I don't like this. Cincinnati wins though.
Jan 7 - GMAC Bowl
Ohio vs. Southern Miss (-6.5)
I can't say I like this pattern. USM wins this one.
Jan 8 - Championship Game
Ohio State (-8.0) vs. Florida
First off, that line is way too big. UF wins the spread, no question in my mind. The Buckeyes are a great team, but they really had an easy path to the BCS game. They played a Texas team that started a freshman quarterback in his second start. They played Iowa and Penn State while they were ranked, but they turned out to be pretty terrible. The only other ranked team was Michigan. They clearly deserve the #1 spot, but I'm not sold that they deserve to be 8 point favorites. Four is more my thinking. I know you're going to think I'm crazy, but I like Florida. I actually think they can win this game. I like Urban Meyer as a coach, I think the spread option as an offense with talent like this is a really strange thing to defend against, especially with QBs and WRs as leading rushers. Florida's special teams are amazing this year (well, in coverage anyway). There is something to be said about playing that schedule and coming out with 1 loss (which hinged on a weird turnover call). I think UF should've gotten consideration for this game even if USC beat UCLA, but I think I might be the only non-Gator to think so. People thought USC was in-Vince-able last year, and look how that turned out. OSU isn't as good as USC was last year, and UF might be about as good as Texas. See you on the other side.
Dec 19 - Poinsettia Bowl
Northern Illinois vs. TCU (-12.5)
NIU has got a great tailback and nothing else. TCU has a coach that probably belongs in a BCS conference. Frogs win big, beat the spread, but Garrett Wolfe gets like 1,000 yards.
Dec 21 - Las Vegas Bowl
BYU (-4.0) vs. Oregon
Oregon has been playing like hell lately, and BYU will get another chance to try to knock off a quality BCS opponent (they almost brought down BC in Cherry Hill). BYU has only lost two, the other being to Arizona (a team that also beat Oregon by a bigger margin). I think I'm going to have to take Oregon, though, because it's a well known fact that Mormons are afraid of Ducks.
Dec 22 - New Orleans Bowl
Rice (-6.0) vs. Troy
Wow. Two crappy teams playing for a bowl game who don't normally get to do that. Rice is on a 6 game winning streak right now, after losing to the likes of Houston, UCLA, Texas, Tulane and FSU (who put 55 on them, back when we thought FSU might still be good). Troy isn't quiet as hot right now, but they didn't get crushed as badly by Florida State. Troy lost to crappier teams, though, so it looks like Rice should win this one. Maybe Rice should try some jambalaya while they're in New Orleans.
Dec 23 - Papajohns.com Bowl
USF (-3.5) vs. ECU
Jim Leavitt has had the second best year of any Florida coach so far this year, and it's largely thanks to Matt Grothe, the talented freshman QB. The Pirates don't really have much on their resume, other than a win over NCSU, but they were pretty terrible this year. USF has wins over Pitt, UNC, WVU(!), and one that should've been a win against Rutgers. It's hard not to like the Bulls in this one, especially since Pirates are nowhere near as sweet as ninjas.
Dec 23 - New Mexico Bowl
New Mexico (-4.5) vs. San Jose St.
Anytime San Jose St. played anyone remotely good, they lost. NM at least beat Utah. I guess I'll take the Lobos, because apparently they get to play at home.
Dec 23 - Armed Forces Bowl
Tulsa vs. Utah (-2.5)
The Golden Hurricane of Tulsa has been a little off at the end of their season, but Utah's been going all right. The Runnin' Utes beat TCU, which is the best win between them. I'll go with Utah, even though Mormons don't have the same fear of Hurricanes that they do of ducks.
Dec 24 - Hawaii Bowl
Hawaii (-8.5) vs. Arizona State
This one's easy. Hawaii's Colt Brennan (yes, there are two QBs in NCAA football named Colt) has amassed PlayStation style numbers (53 TDs on the year!) and will tear apart ASU's defense through the air. Hawaii gets the game on their home field and the Devil's coach just got fired. The over/under is 74.5, and I gotta tell ya, the over would be tempting. But Hawaii wins big, by two TDs at least. I was about to say, "Wouldn't it suck to have to play football on Christmas Eve?" but then I remembered they're doing it in Hawaii, so I'm guessing not really.
Dec 26 - Motor City Bowl
Middle Tennessee vs. Central Michigan (-10.)
The only thing MTSU has going for it is that CMU's coach is heading to Cincinnati, but I don't think it'll be enough. CMU wins the game, but not the spread. It would probably suck worse to play in Detroit the day after Christmas, because they probably make you practice on the 25th. And Detroit's not exactly Hawaii.
Dec 27 - Emerald Bowl
FSU vs. UCLA (-5.0)
Wow. FSU is playing in a San Francisco bowl and isn't favored. I don't think UCLA will have any motivational problems, since FSU is still FSU, even if they aren't really this year. The Seminoles aren't really gelling, and I find it hard to believe that they will for this game, which is essentially meaningless. UCLA wins, and gets to end their season with wins over two storied programs who have been at their weakest points in the last five years. Next, Bruins Quarterback Patrick Cowan will beat up a cripple in La Jolla.
Dec 28 - Independence Bowl
Oklahoma State (-2.5) vs. Alabama
If Alabama had a coach, I might swing their way. But they don't, and may not have a permanent guy before this game happens. OKSt wins a close one, and the folks in Tuscaloosa are trying to remember why they fired Mike Shula.
Dec 28 - Holiday Bowl
Texas A&M vs. California (-5.5)
This is the very bowl where two years ago Cal got humiliated by Texas Tech after Mack Brown talked his way into the Rose Bowl to let Vince Young smoke Michigan the way he smoked the Texans last weekend. Although, the Michigan team may have been better than the Texans. Cal played two good teams, maybe three if you count UCLA or Oregon (you can't have both). They lost to two of them (or all of them, if you don't count UCLA or Oregon). TAMU has beaten Texas and Mizzou, and lost to OKSt and OU by a combined total of two points. I think Cal is in for another surprise; the Bears might win the first half, but the Aggies will take over in the second and win.
Dec 28 - Texas Bowl
Rutgers (-7.5) vs. Kansas State
Rutgers. Next.
Dec 29 - Gaylord Hotels Music Cirty Bowl
Clemson (-10) vs. Kentucky
I have to tell you, this game scares the hell out of me. We're favored by a lot, and my flag football team could probably score on Kentucky's defense. But the Tigers have been off their game ever since the VT blowout. I think we'll win, but I don't think we beat the spread. Vic Koenning needs to get our defense back to form, since we got manhandled by the Gamecocks on the ground.
Dec 29 - Sun Bowl
Oregon State (-3.5) vs. Missouri
Mizzou ended the season kind of poorly, but they lost to some quality opponents. Nebraska, Oklahoma, and Iowa State were three losses that ended three of their last four games. They probably should have lost all the games they did, except maybe Iowa State, and that's a close call, it was in Ames. Oregon State ended with a three game winning streak, topped off by a win over Hawaii. I think I'll take the Beavers in this one, but I must admit I don't really care that much.
Dec 29 - Liberty Bowl
USC (fake) (-7.0) vs. Houston
I think this is a game that the Cocks can lose, but I hope they don't because that would be embarrassing for us. I'll take South Carolina with the points.
Dec 29 - Insight Bowl
Texas Tech (-7.0) vs. Minnesota
I like Texas Tech a lot, and I'm glad that Leach won't be coaching in the ACC at Miami like he was rumored to be. Minnesota kind of sucks right now, so I'll definitely take Texas Tech in this one. Red Raiders steal the Golden Gophers' nuts. Do Gophers eat nuts? Well, regardless, the Raiders are stealing them.
Dec 29 - Champs Sports Bowl
Purdue vs. Maryland (even)
Maryland. Purdue sucks.
Dec 30 - Car Care Bowl
Navy vs. Boston College (-6.5)
Talk about an unfortunate match up. Navy is a solid team that could win this game, and if they don't, BC won't get any credit for it. Tom O'Brien won't be leading the Eagles against the Midshipmen, and I think that might be the difference in this game. Navy wins the spread, and I think they win this game, too. The option is just ca-razy.
Dec 30 - Alamo Bowl
Texas (-11.0) vs. Iowa
I would take Texas with a 15 point spread. Iowa was supposed to be good, but (surprise) they weren't really. Which is especially rough, since the Big Ten had two good times, one that might be good and the rest was crap. They finished with 2 conference wins, against Illinois and Purdue; they got beat by Indiana, Northwestern and Minnesota. You know what? I'd take Texas if it was a 20 point spread. UT by like three TDs. Actually, that's assuming Colt McCoy is healthy; if he's not that line is pretty accurate.
Dec 30 - Peach bowl
Georgia vs. Virginia Tech (-3.0)
People are giving UGa too much credit. The win over Auburn was definitely a good one, but other than that, this guy's not impressed. I would take VT with double the points. The Hokies are the best team in the ACC right now and will make the Bulldogs cry. The Gobbler will peck Uga's eyes out.
Dec 31 - MPC Computers
Miami (-3.0) vs. Nevada
This one is a hard one to read. Nevada will be super pumped to be playing Miami, and who knows how Miami will be feeling. Nevada hasn't really beaten anybody good, so I think that will make Miami feel like they can handle it on talent. I'll take Nevada in that case. I was going to make a joke involving the pistol offense, but then I remembered that one of the Miami players was actually shot, and that joke may not be in bounds.
Jan 1 - Outback Bowl
Penn State vs. Tennessee (-4.5)
Penn State isn't a bad team, but I think Tennessee is better. The Nittany Lions got hammered by Notre Dame, and I think the Vols look a lot like them, except better at every position other than QB. I doubt the score will be as gawdy as the Irish-Lions matchup, but Tennessee wins the spread.
Jan 1 - Cotton Bowl
Auburn (-3.0) vs. Nebraska
This is a rather good match up. Nebraska has played some good games this year, but I think that Auburn will probably be better in the end. Go Tigers! At least this gives the Cornhuskers a chance to escape the State of Nebraska, for a little while, anyway.
Jan 1 - Gator Bowl
Georgia Tech vs. West Virginia (-7.0)
Chan Gailey coached maybe the worst game of his life in one of his biggest, so I expect the Mountaineers to look good in Jacksonville, especially with a big crowd behind them. It would've been fun to see Clemson in this match up, but after letting Cory Boyd run all over us, I think it would've been pretty ugly. There's no telling where Reggie Ball's passes will end up, because he has been pretty terrible lately. WVU wins.
Jan 1 - Citrus Bowl
Arkansas (-1.0) vs. Wisconsin
This one has the most deceptive lines in all of the bowl games. Wisconsin has an 11-1 record, and their only loss comes to Michigan, who could've played in the title game. Arkansas has three losses, one came from USC while All-Everything RB Darren McFadden wasn't 100%, one from LSU in a rivalry game, and one from UF, in the SEC Championship game. The Razorback's wins, though, include an Auburn team when they were on, a solid South Carolina team and a good Tennessee team. Wisconsin, on the other hand, didn't play anybody. They will get exposed by McFadden in a big way. Arkansas by 14 at least.
Jan 1 - Rose Bowl
Michigan vs. USC (real) (-1.0)
Wow, I'm a little surprised that the Trojans are favored. I guess they are pretty much at home, but I do have to say that I like them in this one. I think UM is nowhere near as good as people think, because the Big Ten has been very weak, with the exception of Ohio State this year. The Wolverines could suffer from let-down syndrome, since they missed the big one. I don't think Carroll's squad will have that problem. USC wins by more than one, and Song Girls are way better than the UM cheerleaders.
Jan 1 - Fiesta Bowl
Boise State vs. Oklahoma (-8.0)
Sooners should win. Boise's a solid team, but OU has the best running back in college football and a serious defense. Sooners by 10.
Jan 2 - Orange Bowl
Louisville (-9.5) vs. Wake Forest
I think this is one of the most compelling match ups of the bowl games. Clearly, the smart money says the Cards will score huge on the Deacs. However, Wake has got solid coaching and has been able to run with all sorts of teams that have way more talent than they do. They also haven't gotten a lot of love from anybody so far. Their secondary will have a huge task trying to contain UL's passing attack, but I think they will keep it close. Cardinals win the game, but not the spread.
Jan 3 - Sugar Bowl
Notre Dame vs. LSU (-8.5)
I don't see the attraction to Notre Dame. I don't know why so many people like them. Did they buy everyone hookers once? The Irish are in way over their head on this one. I think that people are going nuts over Charlie Weis way prematurely. He had a great big pile of Catholic money dumped on him, and I don't think he's done anything at Notre Dame that any other above average coach wouldn't have been able to do. They have an overrated team, and overrated coach and are playing a game in which they don't belong. LSU could've been the best team in the country and would be in the title picture if a few questionable calls went the other way against Auburn. The Tigers will crush the Irish in ways that the Irish have never been crushed before, but that won't stop them from getting embarrassed in a bowl game they shouldn't go to again next year. ND has the longest active losing streak in bowls. Tell you something? I will still watch this game, even though it will be the most one-sided of all BCS bowls, because ND deserves having everyone to watch them get beaten badly for taking the spot of a more deserving team.
Jan 6 - International Bowl
Western Michigan vs. Cincinnati (-8.0)
What the hell is this game doing so late in the bowl season? I don't like this. Cincinnati wins though.
Jan 7 - GMAC Bowl
Ohio vs. Southern Miss (-6.5)
I can't say I like this pattern. USM wins this one.
Jan 8 - Championship Game
Ohio State (-8.0) vs. Florida
First off, that line is way too big. UF wins the spread, no question in my mind. The Buckeyes are a great team, but they really had an easy path to the BCS game. They played a Texas team that started a freshman quarterback in his second start. They played Iowa and Penn State while they were ranked, but they turned out to be pretty terrible. The only other ranked team was Michigan. They clearly deserve the #1 spot, but I'm not sold that they deserve to be 8 point favorites. Four is more my thinking. I know you're going to think I'm crazy, but I like Florida. I actually think they can win this game. I like Urban Meyer as a coach, I think the spread option as an offense with talent like this is a really strange thing to defend against, especially with QBs and WRs as leading rushers. Florida's special teams are amazing this year (well, in coverage anyway). There is something to be said about playing that schedule and coming out with 1 loss (which hinged on a weird turnover call). I think UF should've gotten consideration for this game even if USC beat UCLA, but I think I might be the only non-Gator to think so. People thought USC was in-Vince-able last year, and look how that turned out. OSU isn't as good as USC was last year, and UF might be about as good as Texas. See you on the other side.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Can't be simple again
I don't want to write about things that irritate me today. It gets kind of depressing, you know? It gets hard to write about things that are awesome, because you don't see them all that often, and usually they don't cause the same sorts of emotional reactions that things you hate do. For example, the KKK didn't make parades and give awards to honor white people, the made parades and lynched black people and Jews, even though we know that the KKK did indeed think white people were pretty awesome and that blacks and Jews were decidedly less awesome. I think that if they had Chad Johnson back then we could've missed a big part of our racist history. That is, Chad Johnson from last season.
The problem, though, is when you turn on the tv you see stuff like Capitol One commercials (do these people not realize when to pull the plug on a campaign that is terrible?), people talking about how Rutgers might be more deserving of a spot in the BCS title game than a 1-loss SEC team (Louisville or WVU I would buy pre-loss, but Rutgers I think is a stretch), or that Wal-Mart ran out of Scrubs Season 4s, it's easy to fall into that trap again. There are like a hundred commercials that are just as insipid as Capitol One (what's in your wallet?), so that's a pit of despair that I just want to avoid for now. College football makes me a little sadder now that Clemson lost two in a row. Not having Scrubs Season 4 should be punishable by fine, which is problematic, since I don't have it yet. I blame Wal-Mart.
There is still awesome stuff out there, though. Like simple pleasures that often get overlooked. Think about some of the things that you did today, were any of them spectacular? I can think of a few. I just changed my sheets today. So all day, I get to look forward to climbing into a tightly made bed with fresh sheets. I also just bought new razor blades, so next time I shave I will have a hard time not touching my own face all day. If I had thought ahead, I would've shaved today, so that I can lay my smooth face down on fresh pillowcases. I might still do that before I go to sleep.
I also like it when I finish a glass of milk and then refill it, so that first drink tastes way colder than the last one did. I like milk so much, I could go to a bar and be happier with a pitcher of milk than beer. It's just hard to keep it cold enough to not get gross. Although I hear that Europeans serve it warm. I think that may be part of the reason why America's political power rose so sharply following WW2. On a related food note, I made chili today and smell in my apartment was great.
These are insignificant, yes. But the point is, I didn't do anything today. I mean it; the most productive thing I did (aside from the chili) was take a nap. I could come up with a few good things to write about on a day when I did absolutely nothing, so unless you're a Republican in Congress, let's be less pissed off.
The problem, though, is when you turn on the tv you see stuff like Capitol One commercials (do these people not realize when to pull the plug on a campaign that is terrible?), people talking about how Rutgers might be more deserving of a spot in the BCS title game than a 1-loss SEC team (Louisville or WVU I would buy pre-loss, but Rutgers I think is a stretch), or that Wal-Mart ran out of Scrubs Season 4s, it's easy to fall into that trap again. There are like a hundred commercials that are just as insipid as Capitol One (what's in your wallet?), so that's a pit of despair that I just want to avoid for now. College football makes me a little sadder now that Clemson lost two in a row. Not having Scrubs Season 4 should be punishable by fine, which is problematic, since I don't have it yet. I blame Wal-Mart.
There is still awesome stuff out there, though. Like simple pleasures that often get overlooked. Think about some of the things that you did today, were any of them spectacular? I can think of a few. I just changed my sheets today. So all day, I get to look forward to climbing into a tightly made bed with fresh sheets. I also just bought new razor blades, so next time I shave I will have a hard time not touching my own face all day. If I had thought ahead, I would've shaved today, so that I can lay my smooth face down on fresh pillowcases. I might still do that before I go to sleep.
I also like it when I finish a glass of milk and then refill it, so that first drink tastes way colder than the last one did. I like milk so much, I could go to a bar and be happier with a pitcher of milk than beer. It's just hard to keep it cold enough to not get gross. Although I hear that Europeans serve it warm. I think that may be part of the reason why America's political power rose so sharply following WW2. On a related food note, I made chili today and smell in my apartment was great.
These are insignificant, yes. But the point is, I didn't do anything today. I mean it; the most productive thing I did (aside from the chili) was take a nap. I could come up with a few good things to write about on a day when I did absolutely nothing, so unless you're a Republican in Congress, let's be less pissed off.
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