I saw the greatest commercial ever yesterday. I think it was a Super Bowl commercial, so I might be a little behind the eight ball on this one, but a late compliment is still better than no compliment. When I say greatest, it might be a little bit of an exaggeration. It is, however, on the level of Free Pie and Chips.
I don't want to jump right into it, because I don't like spoiling surprises. I like the build up. Do you remember the funniest commercial you ever saw? Did it involve a talking animal, like a lizard convincing you to buy beer or a chihuahua trying to sell you on... meat? It's not really Mexican food or even food in the abstract, but they call it meat so I'll be charitable. Geico had some great ones, like the Lauren Wallace series and the aforementioned Pie and Chips. I miss him.
Somehow, I missed this one at the Super Bowl. I don't know how, but then again, I wasn't really paying that much attention. So I guess I kind of do know how. I wanted the Cardinals to win, because they have a cool story and they had such a long line of futility and Larry Fitzgerald is a mad man and I'm pretty sure that Ben Roethlisberger is borderline retarded. But he has twice as many Super Bowl rings as Peyton Manning, so I guess having an IQ of 80 isn't so bad after all.
I don't even want to give away the what happens in this commercial, because it cracked me up so hard. I was in tears and laughing uncontrollably for like 7 minutes. That hasn't happened since the last time I watched Beerfest with Wachapreague Warrior. I backed up on my DVR. Here's my advice: watch it once, then count to ten, then watch it again. Let it sink in. It is comedic brilliance on the order of Blazing Saddles. I like pancakes, too.
Showing posts with label Super Bowl. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Super Bowl. Show all posts
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Super Week!
Hey, I heard there's a football game on today. It's supposed to be super. Every single person I've spoken to has said that they aren't particularly excited about the game, because at this point everyone hates the Patriots and nobody liked the Giants before anyway. I knew a guy at Clemson who liked Eli, though, which always amused me; it was like wishing that Rambo would have starred Frank Stallone instead. Frankly, I think that the Pats are unstoppable, but I can't say I'm terribly happy about it. Also, I hope the commercials are a little better this year than they have in the past years.
Tuesday is also a super day. Super Tuesday, in fact. I think it's also Mardi Gras, but I'm neither Catholic nor Cajun, so it really doesn't have a huge impact on me. I did make gumbo for the game tonight, though. But I think I'm looking forward to Tuesday than I am about the game. You see, this is the first time I get to go to the polls to vote for President of the United States. (I had to do it by absentee ballot before. As far as civic satisfaction goes, you don't get quite the same feeling as pulling a lever, or in my case, using a touch screen to identify my candidate in the same way that you make reservations at Epcot.) Afterwards, I get to come home and drink martinis while watching the returns come in. Election day is too class a day to drink anything other than martinis. I want to have a small party for it. I already know that I am taking off Nov 4.
Here's a little way to make Super Tuesday more fun (as if it could be any more fun!):
-Every time somebody says "Too close to call," you drink.
-Every time a future press conference by a candidate is referenced, you drink.
-Every time Keith Olbermann takes a gratuitous shot at Bush, you drink. (Be careful if watch MSNBC with this one...)
-Every time Keith Olbermann does something unnecessarily smug while trying to make a joke that isn't funny, you drink. (This will be the last Keith one, because this game could be dangerous. I don't want to be a case study for a Law & Order episode where somebody dies from reading a blog entry. Actually, that would be pretty awesome.)
-Every time Chris Matthews throws in an unnecessary compliment to some guest on his show that you've never heard of, you drink.
-Every time Chris Matthews's smile reminds you of the smile of your five year old nephew (not to mention haircut), you drink.
-Every time Brit Hume looks disgusted by the lack of professionalism by someone on his panel, you drink.
-Every time a pundit is confused by a disagreement between polling data and actual election returns, you drink.
-Every time a candidate who lost a state makes it sound like they really won it, you drink. (You may have to stay up late for this one.)
-Every time someone says "Billary," you drink.
-Every time someone compares Obama to JFK, you drink.
-Every time someone talks about Mitt Romney's hair, you drink.
-Every time someone talks about how conservatives don't like McCain, you drink.
-Every time we are reminded by a commentator how relevant Huckabee still is, you drink.
If you aren't laughing at all of Romney's and Olbermann's jokes after an hour with this game, then I don't know what to tell you. Sláinte!
Tuesday is also a super day. Super Tuesday, in fact. I think it's also Mardi Gras, but I'm neither Catholic nor Cajun, so it really doesn't have a huge impact on me. I did make gumbo for the game tonight, though. But I think I'm looking forward to Tuesday than I am about the game. You see, this is the first time I get to go to the polls to vote for President of the United States. (I had to do it by absentee ballot before. As far as civic satisfaction goes, you don't get quite the same feeling as pulling a lever, or in my case, using a touch screen to identify my candidate in the same way that you make reservations at Epcot.) Afterwards, I get to come home and drink martinis while watching the returns come in. Election day is too class a day to drink anything other than martinis. I want to have a small party for it. I already know that I am taking off Nov 4.
Here's a little way to make Super Tuesday more fun (as if it could be any more fun!):
-Every time somebody says "Too close to call," you drink.
-Every time a future press conference by a candidate is referenced, you drink.
-Every time Keith Olbermann takes a gratuitous shot at Bush, you drink. (Be careful if watch MSNBC with this one...)
-Every time Keith Olbermann does something unnecessarily smug while trying to make a joke that isn't funny, you drink. (This will be the last Keith one, because this game could be dangerous. I don't want to be a case study for a Law & Order episode where somebody dies from reading a blog entry. Actually, that would be pretty awesome.)
-Every time Chris Matthews throws in an unnecessary compliment to some guest on his show that you've never heard of, you drink.
-Every time Chris Matthews's smile reminds you of the smile of your five year old nephew (not to mention haircut), you drink.
-Every time Brit Hume looks disgusted by the lack of professionalism by someone on his panel, you drink.
-Every time a pundit is confused by a disagreement between polling data and actual election returns, you drink.
-Every time a candidate who lost a state makes it sound like they really won it, you drink. (You may have to stay up late for this one.)
-Every time someone says "Billary," you drink.
-Every time someone compares Obama to JFK, you drink.
-Every time someone talks about Mitt Romney's hair, you drink.
-Every time someone talks about how conservatives don't like McCain, you drink.
-Every time we are reminded by a commentator how relevant Huckabee still is, you drink.
If you aren't laughing at all of Romney's and Olbermann's jokes after an hour with this game, then I don't know what to tell you. Sláinte!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
It's not boring, really!
I love this time every four years. Primary season for me is like the World Cup for pretty much everyone who is not an American. I'm a bit of a news junkie and a politics nerd, but I don't care. I still think that's less lame than reading Harry Potter, and everybody does that. There's a big one coming up on Saturday, the next state up from me and my old grad school stomping grounds, the Palmetto State. If that doesn't excite the cockles of your heart, then you should go watch soccer, commie.
But really, this is a pretty exciting time. This is a really unique alignment of confusion, and really, the American political process and media is an engine that runs on chaos, similar to the propulsion system in that book by Doug Adams that runs on improbability, so I'm not the only one going nuts. It's also kind of fun to see the look of terror that appears in people's eyes when I start talking about how exciting and unexpected that John Edwards came in second in Iowa, beating Hillary. I'd kind of imagine it's the look that people get when they start to suspect that you might be a werewolf.
This is also pretty important. We are looking at possibilities that we've never had before -- a real shot at having a First Dude instead of a First Lady, someone who's not a WASP or a Kennedy, the guy who should've gotten the nomination in 2000, or possibly a Baptist preacher. Aside from the historical firsts, they each represent pretty serious differences in policy direction, and we have a lot of leeway as to which direction we can choose, particularly in open primary states. The races are still pretty open and probably will be going into Super Tuesday (which I think is the same week as the Super Bowl and Super Thursday, which is super because I'm pretty sure I don't have to go to work on the following Friday). So pay attention, and then leave comments about how smarmy Mitt Romney is. Besides, the guy's name is Mitt.
It also exposes the media pundits who think they know so much screw up with their predictions. It's fun! Remember New Hampshire, guys? Everyone though Obama was going to run away with it, and he didn't! Classic! Also, I am jealous of those pundits.
But really, this is a pretty exciting time. This is a really unique alignment of confusion, and really, the American political process and media is an engine that runs on chaos, similar to the propulsion system in that book by Doug Adams that runs on improbability, so I'm not the only one going nuts. It's also kind of fun to see the look of terror that appears in people's eyes when I start talking about how exciting and unexpected that John Edwards came in second in Iowa, beating Hillary. I'd kind of imagine it's the look that people get when they start to suspect that you might be a werewolf.
This is also pretty important. We are looking at possibilities that we've never had before -- a real shot at having a First Dude instead of a First Lady, someone who's not a WASP or a Kennedy, the guy who should've gotten the nomination in 2000, or possibly a Baptist preacher. Aside from the historical firsts, they each represent pretty serious differences in policy direction, and we have a lot of leeway as to which direction we can choose, particularly in open primary states. The races are still pretty open and probably will be going into Super Tuesday (which I think is the same week as the Super Bowl and Super Thursday, which is super because I'm pretty sure I don't have to go to work on the following Friday). So pay attention, and then leave comments about how smarmy Mitt Romney is. Besides, the guy's name is Mitt.
It also exposes the media pundits who think they know so much screw up with their predictions. It's fun! Remember New Hampshire, guys? Everyone though Obama was going to run away with it, and he didn't! Classic! Also, I am jealous of those pundits.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
I wonder if she could play tennis... in the Labyrinth
A few things kind of clicked for me today as I was watching Dark City. This epiphany probably isn't going to be what you're thinking, unless you're thinking Jennifer Connelly. In that movie (released in 1998) it made me think that when she is at her prime, there probably isn't an actress in Hollywood better looking than her. Then I was reminded of a discussion of Anna Kournikova I had while watching the Duke basketball game (¡desastre!) and how it seemed absurd how she's one of the most famous tennis players of the past decade and she sucks at tennis. But we all know her because she's gorgeous. And in case you don't, here are pictures.
Life is just easier for people who are that good looking. I think on some level, average looking people hate them for it. Then again, you want to root for the pretty ones, too. It's a weird duality of opinions that's hard to explain. Think about it -- when you watch a movie or a sporting event or something, if you have no other rooting interest, you'll cheer for the prettier, won't you? I do that with Jeopardy sometimes. I either want the prettiest girl or the person with the coolest voice to win. And if a hot chick (well, Jeopardy hot) is up against a heavy black guy from Alabama with a really deep voice, I'm a little conflicted; tie goes to the female.
Think about the Patriots. In 2001, they were the underdogs, so we kind of wanted them to win. They continued their workmanlike approach to building a football program, and it worked. Good coaching, discipline and focus on teamwork led to success. They would, of course,won two of the next three, now most folks are tired of them. (By the way, the Super Bowl in that stretch that the Pats didn't win was won by The Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I will also be cheering for Indy on Sunday, in case you wanted that information.) Also, Bill Belichick dresses like a hobo.
When you see beautiful women getting to cut in line or discounts or something, doesn't it bother you a little bit? But if you were in a position to give it to them, would you? (If you are a lady reading this, just make the appropriate gender substitutions yourself.) You'd at least think about it. It doesn't seem fair, really. But I think that's just something that ugly people say.
Life is just easier for people who are that good looking. I think on some level, average looking people hate them for it. Then again, you want to root for the pretty ones, too. It's a weird duality of opinions that's hard to explain. Think about it -- when you watch a movie or a sporting event or something, if you have no other rooting interest, you'll cheer for the prettier, won't you? I do that with Jeopardy sometimes. I either want the prettiest girl or the person with the coolest voice to win. And if a hot chick (well, Jeopardy hot) is up against a heavy black guy from Alabama with a really deep voice, I'm a little conflicted; tie goes to the female.
Think about the Patriots. In 2001, they were the underdogs, so we kind of wanted them to win. They continued their workmanlike approach to building a football program, and it worked. Good coaching, discipline and focus on teamwork led to success. They would, of course,won two of the next three, now most folks are tired of them. (By the way, the Super Bowl in that stretch that the Pats didn't win was won by The Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I will also be cheering for Indy on Sunday, in case you wanted that information.) Also, Bill Belichick dresses like a hobo.
When you see beautiful women getting to cut in line or discounts or something, doesn't it bother you a little bit? But if you were in a position to give it to them, would you? (If you are a lady reading this, just make the appropriate gender substitutions yourself.) You'd at least think about it. It doesn't seem fair, really. But I think that's just something that ugly people say.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Holy Crap! Two in one day!
Terry Bradshaw, a bloke who is an NFL hall of famer, is now an announcer at various levels of football and a huge idiot. Wait, that sentence was ambiguous; Bradshaw's always been an idiot. In the year immediately following the Janet Jackson Nipple Incident (JJNI), Paul McCartney was selected to perform at the half-time show because he's a lot less likely to get naked after his songs (although it would shore up the aging female Baby Boomer demographic...). In the pregame for this Super Bowl, Bradshaw sang "A Hard Day's Night" with Sir Paul, which would be thrilling for anyone, even an NFL Hall of Famer with four Super Bowl rings. So thrilling that he got the words wrong. In fact, the next year, even Howie Long, another idiot extraordinaire, called him out on it. I include this to make clear that I am no fan of Bradshaw (or Long and his horrible, horrible Radio Shack commercials. Teri Hatcher is ok, though.).
Bradshaw and Long were in the booth of the Sugar Bowl last night, and I was braced for horror -- like Aliens popping out of your chest horror. Fortunately for me, I didn't have to kill myself after watching the telecast. Bradshaw and Long weren't awful. In fact, they were good. Bradshaw made comments about what the QB was looking for in coverages, how even though a particular pass was complete is wasn't well thrown, and even said that he wasn't smart enough to play for LSU. That level of self-deprecation deserves to be rewarded. Not smart enough for
LSU.
I watch a lot of football, so I know a little about the game and football theory. I can identify a dumb play call or a poorly executed run. But I've never played quarterback and would have no idea how to tell if a defensive back is in man or zone based on how there eyes scan the offense or exactly what went wrong on the release which led to a spectacular catch. That's the sort of commentary I'd like to see in my football. I could give a damn about listening to Jamie Foxx or Matthew McConaughey has to say about anything. You hear that Kornheiser? I don't like Bradshaw as an interviewer or sports anchor, but I will never bitch about his commentary again.
Bradshaw and Long were in the booth of the Sugar Bowl last night, and I was braced for horror -- like Aliens popping out of your chest horror. Fortunately for me, I didn't have to kill myself after watching the telecast. Bradshaw and Long weren't awful. In fact, they were good. Bradshaw made comments about what the QB was looking for in coverages, how even though a particular pass was complete is wasn't well thrown, and even said that he wasn't smart enough to play for LSU. That level of self-deprecation deserves to be rewarded. Not smart enough for
LSU.
I watch a lot of football, so I know a little about the game and football theory. I can identify a dumb play call or a poorly executed run. But I've never played quarterback and would have no idea how to tell if a defensive back is in man or zone based on how there eyes scan the offense or exactly what went wrong on the release which led to a spectacular catch. That's the sort of commentary I'd like to see in my football. I could give a damn about listening to Jamie Foxx or Matthew McConaughey has to say about anything. You hear that Kornheiser? I don't like Bradshaw as an interviewer or sports anchor, but I will never bitch about his commentary again.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Do insurance villains attack with cartoon blimps?
Most of you probably already know that I have pretty strong opinions about television commercials. Like, for example, I think that Taco Bell's advertisement people should be put into a box with angry shrews. I also am convinced that the cell phone companies are in a competition to see who can generate the most inanity and put it on the air; it's really the only explanation that makes sense. Geico's still on top, their new campaign is pretty amusing (except the one with Mini-Me, that one sucks). The Sports Center commercials are also hit and miss; you've heard how I felt about Maria Sharapova -- the new one with Peyton and Eli getting the tour of the studio and Peyton kicks Eli is hilarious. The one with Ladanian kind of blows, though.
There is one that has an entire campaign that I have no idea what to make of it. Esurance, an on-line car insurance company, has got an animated ad campaign involving secret agents and villains and romance. I haven't been this confused by something I've watched since my old roommate rented Brazil. I'm sure you've seen one -- Erin Esurance, the super spy super hero, is a magenta haired animated babe (she does manage to pull off the magenta pretty well, much better than P!nk does, I have to say. Mostly because P!nk looks more masculine than Jerome Bettis lately -- oh that's another, the Square Table is a good campaign as well) who does things like drive racecars, go to sporting events and drop in on car dealerships being chased by villians that I'm pretty sure used to appear in Dexter's Laboratory or possibly Invader Zim. I don't know what the hell any of it means, or why the tagline is "If you're on the go, you gotta get Esurance."
Apparently you can get insurance over the internet and immediately print proof of insurance, and that's what is so amazing about this, even if you're being chased by an evil professor who looks vaguely like a composite of Frankenstein and Tom Brady wearing shades. Really, if I'm being chased by the likes of a Super Bowl winning quarterback that has been reanimated from dead flesh, whether or not my get away car has car insurance probably isn't going to be the first thing I worry about, it will be if that magenta haired chick is single.
There is one that has an entire campaign that I have no idea what to make of it. Esurance, an on-line car insurance company, has got an animated ad campaign involving secret agents and villains and romance. I haven't been this confused by something I've watched since my old roommate rented Brazil. I'm sure you've seen one -- Erin Esurance, the super spy super hero, is a magenta haired animated babe (she does manage to pull off the magenta pretty well, much better than P!nk does, I have to say. Mostly because P!nk looks more masculine than Jerome Bettis lately -- oh that's another, the Square Table is a good campaign as well) who does things like drive racecars, go to sporting events and drop in on car dealerships being chased by villians that I'm pretty sure used to appear in Dexter's Laboratory or possibly Invader Zim. I don't know what the hell any of it means, or why the tagline is "If you're on the go, you gotta get Esurance."
Apparently you can get insurance over the internet and immediately print proof of insurance, and that's what is so amazing about this, even if you're being chased by an evil professor who looks vaguely like a composite of Frankenstein and Tom Brady wearing shades. Really, if I'm being chased by the likes of a Super Bowl winning quarterback that has been reanimated from dead flesh, whether or not my get away car has car insurance probably isn't going to be the first thing I worry about, it will be if that magenta haired chick is single.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
And on that farm he had some sheep
The lab is extremely quiet this week, at least for me. So I watched a lot of news, and you know what I learned? That Taylor Hicks won American Idol Season 5. I have watched a grand total of one (1) epsiode of American Idol in those entire 5 seasons, and it was coercion by my mom. But over the past month, the news has told me more than I need to know about that parasitic program.
Now, let's think about this out loud: American Idol is the most popular program on television. It's been bigger than like the Super Bowl for 5 years now. So, doesn't everyone who want to know what happened on the show already watch it? Do these people have such a fixation on American Idol that the local news that comes on afterwards needs to cover the results for the first 15 minutes? What sort of person missed the entirety of that show, tunes into local Fox news at 10, and hoping to see what happened? I guess there are people out there who watch Sports Center immediately after a 4 hour football game, but they're just as crazy.
So mostly, I have a short summer reprieve from hearing about American Idol on cable news or local news or from people who think I might actually care. Now, I just have to outlast the buzz around the Da Vinci movie, and I should be ok.
Now, let's think about this out loud: American Idol is the most popular program on television. It's been bigger than like the Super Bowl for 5 years now. So, doesn't everyone who want to know what happened on the show already watch it? Do these people have such a fixation on American Idol that the local news that comes on afterwards needs to cover the results for the first 15 minutes? What sort of person missed the entirety of that show, tunes into local Fox news at 10, and hoping to see what happened? I guess there are people out there who watch Sports Center immediately after a 4 hour football game, but they're just as crazy.
So mostly, I have a short summer reprieve from hearing about American Idol on cable news or local news or from people who think I might actually care. Now, I just have to outlast the buzz around the Da Vinci movie, and I should be ok.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Mediocre Bowl
I watch the commercials. I love the good ones (mostly just Geico right now) and complain about the awful ones. I also like football. I like college better than pro, but we haven't seen any college games for like a month, so I gotta deal with these guys. But the Super Bowl is the showcase for both of these cases. It also gives me a chance to see how women view football for a day.
Here are my top five and bottom five commercials. A few ground rules, though: No movie trailers, no commercials for shows (so Shaq crying for Desperate Housewives gets a pass, unfortunately) and boring ones don't get much attention. The bad ones will be offensive, not dull. The list of good ones will mostly be my favorites, the bad ones, though, will get some pretty serious analysis.
High Five
5. Sheep Streaker (Budweiser) - A shorn sheep streaked through a football game of Clydesdales. Personifying nudity in animals is pretty funny, especially when that animal makes a "baa" noise.
4. Russian Yakety Sax (Sprint) - A guy with a Russian accent explains that his phone can download a song for any occasion, and the song for couch on fire was Yakety Sax. I can think of no situation, though, for which Yakety Sax is inappropriate.
3. Crime Deterrent (Sprint) - Two guys compare their cell phones, and the Sprint guy says his has crime deterrent and throws the phone at the guy and hits him in the face. Could have been improved if they were playing Yakety Sax, though.
2. Magic Fridge (Bud Light) - A rotating panel in the wall is used to hide Bud Light from guests, but the neighbors receive it as a gift instead. This could've taken the top spot, but it finished kind of weak. Just like an actual Bud Light.
1. Machete Enthusiasts (Emerald Nuts) - Eagle-eyed Machete Enthusiasts Recognize A Little Druid Networking Under the Stairs. Every single one of theirs is dynamite. Dynamite!
Low Five
5. Mick Jagger in HD (Pregame) - This isn't really a commercial, but it would be criminal of me to not mention the fact that seeing Mick on a 126" projector in HD is like staring at the sun and when you close your eyes you see Roseanne naked. While taking a poop.
4. The one with just the monkeys (Careerbuilder.com) - Careerbuilder.com does commercials with monkeys. We've seen like 3 of them before SBXL. I put this one on the list because it was lazy and everybody else liked it. Well, I'm here to tell you it really sucked. The jackasses were really fully though. They were wearing pants! But the other one was crap.
3. Littler Monster (Hummer) - Ultraman and the grandmother from the old tv show Dinosaurs got it on and had a kid: the H3. No wonder the damn car is so ugly.
2. Whopperettes (Burger King) - This abortion of a commercial lasted like a minute and a half and an orgy of condiments really doesn't do it for me. I'm not surprised that idea came out of the same people that produced that weird king mask. Even referring to him as "The freaky king" wasn't enough.
1. Jay Mohr/Diddy (Diet Pepsi) - Either of the commercials would have fit, but I chose the music one. I have only seen like 15 Super Bowls in my life, and I have absolutely no problem with saying that this was the singular worst commercial in the history of Super Bowls. It may have been the worst ad ever created. I am including everything in the Taco Bell catalogue (which dodged a bullet not making the list). I am including the ED commercials. This is it. This is going to be one of those things that people remember forever about Jay Mohr. Nobody liked Diddy before, but I was on the fence with Mohr. There is no longer fence sitting now. When I saw this, I missed looking at Mick Jagger in HD.
Here are my top five and bottom five commercials. A few ground rules, though: No movie trailers, no commercials for shows (so Shaq crying for Desperate Housewives gets a pass, unfortunately) and boring ones don't get much attention. The bad ones will be offensive, not dull. The list of good ones will mostly be my favorites, the bad ones, though, will get some pretty serious analysis.
High Five
5. Sheep Streaker (Budweiser) - A shorn sheep streaked through a football game of Clydesdales. Personifying nudity in animals is pretty funny, especially when that animal makes a "baa" noise.
4. Russian Yakety Sax (Sprint) - A guy with a Russian accent explains that his phone can download a song for any occasion, and the song for couch on fire was Yakety Sax. I can think of no situation, though, for which Yakety Sax is inappropriate.
3. Crime Deterrent (Sprint) - Two guys compare their cell phones, and the Sprint guy says his has crime deterrent and throws the phone at the guy and hits him in the face. Could have been improved if they were playing Yakety Sax, though.
2. Magic Fridge (Bud Light) - A rotating panel in the wall is used to hide Bud Light from guests, but the neighbors receive it as a gift instead. This could've taken the top spot, but it finished kind of weak. Just like an actual Bud Light.
1. Machete Enthusiasts (Emerald Nuts) - Eagle-eyed Machete Enthusiasts Recognize A Little Druid Networking Under the Stairs. Every single one of theirs is dynamite. Dynamite!
Low Five
5. Mick Jagger in HD (Pregame) - This isn't really a commercial, but it would be criminal of me to not mention the fact that seeing Mick on a 126" projector in HD is like staring at the sun and when you close your eyes you see Roseanne naked. While taking a poop.
4. The one with just the monkeys (Careerbuilder.com) - Careerbuilder.com does commercials with monkeys. We've seen like 3 of them before SBXL. I put this one on the list because it was lazy and everybody else liked it. Well, I'm here to tell you it really sucked. The jackasses were really fully though. They were wearing pants! But the other one was crap.
3. Littler Monster (Hummer) - Ultraman and the grandmother from the old tv show Dinosaurs got it on and had a kid: the H3. No wonder the damn car is so ugly.
2. Whopperettes (Burger King) - This abortion of a commercial lasted like a minute and a half and an orgy of condiments really doesn't do it for me. I'm not surprised that idea came out of the same people that produced that weird king mask. Even referring to him as "The freaky king" wasn't enough.
1. Jay Mohr/Diddy (Diet Pepsi) - Either of the commercials would have fit, but I chose the music one. I have only seen like 15 Super Bowls in my life, and I have absolutely no problem with saying that this was the singular worst commercial in the history of Super Bowls. It may have been the worst ad ever created. I am including everything in the Taco Bell catalogue (which dodged a bullet not making the list). I am including the ED commercials. This is it. This is going to be one of those things that people remember forever about Jay Mohr. Nobody liked Diddy before, but I was on the fence with Mohr. There is no longer fence sitting now. When I saw this, I missed looking at Mick Jagger in HD.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
There's only one thing that they're good for
Super Bowl season is upon us, so my mind is thinking about commercials since nobody in the country expects anyone other than Indianapolis (motto: Indiana's not that bad) to win this year. The big news is that Levitra is no longer an NFL sponsor, so we won't have to waste our time with a smiling, middle aged man throwing innuendo through a tire swing. (Or was that Cialis? Who gives a damn?)
I do look forward to commercials put out by the Anheuser-Busch Corporation. This year, however, I have my doubts. The reason for this, as you have probably already guessed, is a fictional character named Ted Fergusun, the Bud Light Daredevil. This is an unfortunate campaign, mostly due to execution. It's a pretty funny concept that was poorly cast and directed, leaving the once great advertising brand forever stained, not unlike Aerosmith appearing on the Super Bowl halftime show a few years ago with NSYNC and Britney Spears, or releasing Just Push Play.
So far, I have seen three BLDd commercials, and really, if you've seen one, you've seen them all. It's a nerdy guy dressed in skate pads and goggles preparing to do something inane (but daring) like staying late at the office or filling up with low test instead of medium, followed by falling down after grunting, getting oxygen and then asking for a Bud Light. There is always a cut to Bud Light titles followed by a poorly delivered one-liner that isn't funny.
Here's an example:
[Shot of BLDd in skating pads with angry look on his face]
BLDd: I'm going to try my hardest stunt yet! Try to eat clam chowder with a fork!
[Dramatic music - cut to BLDd at a table with a fork and a bowl of soup in front of him]
BLDd: (scooping) I got one clam and no chowder! (grunts)
Off frame voice: Time!
[BLDd grunts and falls down]
Off frame voice: Get him some oxygen! All of our dialogue ends in exclamation points!
BLDd: (whispering) Bud Light!
Off frame voice: Even the whispers!
[Cut to Bud Light titles]
BLDd: Don't try this at home!
[End]
If they made that one, it would be in at least the upper 50th %ile of Ted Fergusun commercials. I have never used "%ile" in writing before, and I must say that I like it. It would not, however, do so well in comparison to the other Anheuser-Busch commercials. Like the pilot jumping out of the airplane for Bud Light or the Budweiser lizard ("Never send a ferret to do a weasel's job"), for example. So, Bud Light advertisement guy, give us a good one again this Super Bowl, and we'll salute you as a real man of genius.
I do look forward to commercials put out by the Anheuser-Busch Corporation. This year, however, I have my doubts. The reason for this, as you have probably already guessed, is a fictional character named Ted Fergusun, the Bud Light Daredevil. This is an unfortunate campaign, mostly due to execution. It's a pretty funny concept that was poorly cast and directed, leaving the once great advertising brand forever stained, not unlike Aerosmith appearing on the Super Bowl halftime show a few years ago with NSYNC and Britney Spears, or releasing Just Push Play.
So far, I have seen three BLDd commercials, and really, if you've seen one, you've seen them all. It's a nerdy guy dressed in skate pads and goggles preparing to do something inane (but daring) like staying late at the office or filling up with low test instead of medium, followed by falling down after grunting, getting oxygen and then asking for a Bud Light. There is always a cut to Bud Light titles followed by a poorly delivered one-liner that isn't funny.
Here's an example:
[Shot of BLDd in skating pads with angry look on his face]
BLDd: I'm going to try my hardest stunt yet! Try to eat clam chowder with a fork!
[Dramatic music - cut to BLDd at a table with a fork and a bowl of soup in front of him]
BLDd: (scooping) I got one clam and no chowder! (grunts)
Off frame voice: Time!
[BLDd grunts and falls down]
Off frame voice: Get him some oxygen! All of our dialogue ends in exclamation points!
BLDd: (whispering) Bud Light!
Off frame voice: Even the whispers!
[Cut to Bud Light titles]
BLDd: Don't try this at home!
[End]
If they made that one, it would be in at least the upper 50th %ile of Ted Fergusun commercials. I have never used "%ile" in writing before, and I must say that I like it. It would not, however, do so well in comparison to the other Anheuser-Busch commercials. Like the pilot jumping out of the airplane for Bud Light or the Budweiser lizard ("Never send a ferret to do a weasel's job"), for example. So, Bud Light advertisement guy, give us a good one again this Super Bowl, and we'll salute you as a real man of genius.
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