Sing it loud and sing it proud

People have their favorite songs and places to sing. Most folks say theirs is in the car or shower or even both. I don't get what the deal with the shower is, really. I'm not any more or less likely to sing in the shower than I am anywhere else. Is it a privacy thing? Or are there a lot of waterproof drum kits out there that I don't know about? (I want one.) Don't misunderstand me, I sometimes sing in the shower. I just sing in other places too, like when I'm making dinner or standing in line at the grocery store.

The car makes complete sense, what with the radio and all. There are etiquette questions that arise if you are not alone, though. How loud to sing the chorus of Angel is a Centerfold? How high do you go on I Get Around? That's really an indicator of comfort, isn't it? If you're in the car with someone and he or she is doing his or her very best Axl Rose on Sweet Child o' Mine, then you know there is a definite comfort there. Or this person just doesn't care what you think. Can you blame them? I don't either. (That's not true, I need your approval. Why else would I be writing this on the internet? Please don't go.)

One of the problems I run into, though, is the gender of the singer. What's your favorite Rolling Stones song? Mine is Beast of Burden. (If you chose Can't Always Get What You Want, you're close. If you said Satisfaction, you need to listen to more Rolling Stones.) Like most Stones songs, this one is about Mick Jagger trying to convince a girl to have sex with him. I saw Cobie Caillat at a concert (no, it's not what you're thinking -- I was there to see Hootie and the Blowfish) and she did a cover and changed the words to be gender appropriate. Bette Midler has a cover (surprisingly good, too) and I think she did, too. When you hear a song you like by a woman singer, do you change the words, or do you just go with it?

I found myself in this predicament when I heard The Tide is High by Blondie, when Debbie Harry says she's not the kind of girl who gives up just like that. I realized that I do it about half the time, because I am both self-conscious and lazy. It's probably a bigger problem for the ladies, since there are a lot of guy singers out there. What do you do about this?

Can I wander in your garden

I have heard a few Led Zeppelin songs on the radio lately, and quite frankly, that pleases me. I wish there were a station in Augusta that played only Led Zeppelin. Actually, that doesn't seem all that practical, considering I do own their entire studio catalogue. Anyway, I just wish I could hear whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I know what you are probably thinking, and it involves an mp3 player and I don't want to hear it. I am not going to buy an iPod and it is unlikely that you are going to convince me otherwise since I don't really have a good reason not to buy one other than I just want to resist the temptation of selling my soul to Steve Jobs for a little while longer. Also, I still kind of want an iPhone, although now my job would make it pretty much completely useless.

The drawback, though, to Led Zeppelin is that I can only sing along if I am alone in the car. You see, my singing voice is not what one would call "pleasant." I am a terrible singer, although I do enjoy singing on Rock Band. I don't a care who's around for that, because the computer generated AI fans love me. This also applies to other bands, like AC/DC, G'n'R and the Beach Boys, all of which are comically out of my range. When I try to be Robert Plant, I sound like an angry person screaming It's been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time sped up quickly, in the style of the Chipmunks. AC/DC is a little bit different, but my throat hurts after I listen to that cd for a while.

Listening to a lot of classic rock can get to you sometimes, though, because really, they don't really make a lot of it anymore. So I feel like I've pretty much heard all of the songs in the genre. And there are only so many times one can listen to Peaceful Easy Feeling without screaming and throwing rocks and other cars on the highway. Sometimes, though after going long enough without hearing a little Zep you can be reminded of how kickass they really are. I could listen to Gallows Pole like nine times in succession without any problem, especially if you throw in a little Custard Pie. I'm pretty sure that last song is dirty, though.

But wait, I own that

On my way back from church today, I heard What is and What Should Never Be on the radio. That's great, because Led Zeppelin is pretty awesome. As I'm pulling into my driveway, though, they followed it up with Hey Hey What Can I Do, which, by any metric that songs are measured, is at least four or five times as awesome as WiaWSNB. I considered sitting in my driveway, listening to this epic sonic masterpiece, with my key in the ACC position, which I interpret as the major American automakers rebelling against crappy Big Ten football. I decided against it, though, in part because it was cold. I also own that song on cd, so I could listen to it in my bedroom with much louder speakers.

There aren't that many songs that really make you want to sit in the car after you get home and finish them. I can think of maybe 5 -- Hey Jude, Good Vibrations, Layla, When the Levee Breaks, Can't Always Get What You Want, November Rain and if I'm feeling charitable, Won't Get Fooled Again -- and I own most of them. Even though I still own them, it still has a different feel when I hear them on the radio, as you I was meant to hear that song right then. Complaining about a bad test? You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need. Then again, it could go the other way: Cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good. When God speaks to me through the radio, I listen.

It's kind of the same way with movies on tv. If you're flipping through the channels and nothing is on, but you come across The Hunt for Red October, that's a huge find, compared to reruns of Murder, She Wrote and the Lifetime channel. But, even though you probably own this movie, you probably don't feel like committing to the two hours and fifteen minutes to watch it. But tuning in on USA to hear Sam Neill say, "I would've liked to have seen Montana," is totally worthwhile. Way better than whatever movie Lifetime is showing, even if it has a former power ranger with an eating disorder in it.

What has this effect on you? Do you stay in your car to listen to Stayin' Alive? (I certainly hope not.) Will you stop on tv for Coyote Ugly (which, incidentally, I own but have never actually watched, but that's a story for another day)?

I want my MTV

In a typical decade, I might watch MTV for maybe an hour or two. This strikes me as weird, because I really like music, and from time to time I also enjoy television. Combining the two ought to be a match made in heaven, like peanut butter and my mouth. But for some reason, MTV never clicked with me.

However, today, I turned on my tv, and music was playing on it. It wasn't MTV per se, it was VH1 Classic -- but it was showing the videos that MTV played on its first day and some of the MTV promos, too. I missed Video Killed the Radio Star, but it's still a pretty interesting concept. Having this channel on in the background is like having a crystal ball revealing 1981 in all its ridiculous and rocking glory. For example, "Wrathchild" by Iron Maiden was just followed by "Come What May" by someone named Lani Hall. In case you don't already realize how discordant this juxtaposition is, here is a sample lyric from Wrathchild:

I was born into a scene of angriness and greed, and dominance and persecution

Now, Come What May:

But I'm not a bird
and wishes and just fly away
my love

Some of the things I've learned have been kind of useful, like even though I had heard the name of the Pretenders before, I didn't know anything they had done, but they might be worth my attention in the future. Other have not been as useful, like the knowledge that Ric Ocasek and the Cars were already so awesome that a large portion of the videos are from the genre of band that get me excited because they look and sound just like the Cars but are not the Cars. They also played a surprising amount of Rod Stewart, which I am having trouble wrapping my head around. They have also played a healthy amount of The Who, which is so awesome I can forgive the Debbie Harry rap song they played earlier.

So basically, I can see why people thought MTV was so revolutionary when it came out, what with music on television and babes in comical 80s stockings and denim jackets. Now, like the very music that it played, it has become part of the establishment and doesn't have that same edge of revolution. My biggest complaint, though, is that Guns n' Roses hadn't formed by 1981.

He won't leave me alone

I decided to change my cell phone ring after having the same one for what seemed like 27 years. I decided to change it from something called Island, I think, after discovering that I ran into a number of people who had my exact phone (people who were also not interested in the latest trends, since it was 27 years old) had also selected the same Island ring tone and all of those people were teenage girls. After cycling through my myriad choices of midi music – I think I had eight to choose from – I decided on something will probably be equally as fruity because, let’s face it, the technology 27 years ago isn’t what it is today. My phone cannot play something manly and hip like Gold Digger because it isn’t sophisticated enough. Although Guns n' Roses’ Mr. Brownstone would be badass.

I can’t say I understand the cell phone ring obsession completely, because a ringing phone is inherently obnoxious. It’s a sound to alert you that someone is trying to contact you, so it is loud and shrill to get your attention away from whatever your doing, like eating Cheetos and playing Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball, so that you will answer the phone rather than continue to look at Kasumi’s bounces as she kills the volleyball. So, rather than pick something that you are sure is just shrill enough to get your attention and unique enough to know it’s yours, you pay a dollar to download twenty five seconds of the same hip-hop song that everyone else has. Do you enjoy the ring more than the phone call? Do you sing along? Do you get upset that you only have one verse? I would. Then again, I had that gay Island tone for a very long time, so what do I know.