Mediocre Bowl

I watch the commercials. I love the good ones (mostly just Geico right now) and complain about the awful ones. I also like football. I like college better than pro, but we haven't seen any college games for like a month, so I gotta deal with these guys. But the Super Bowl is the showcase for both of these cases. It also gives me a chance to see how women view football for a day.

Here are my top five and bottom five commercials. A few ground rules, though: No movie trailers, no commercials for shows (so Shaq crying for Desperate Housewives gets a pass, unfortunately) and boring ones don't get much attention. The bad ones will be offensive, not dull. The list of good ones will mostly be my favorites, the bad ones, though, will get some pretty serious analysis.

High Five
5. Sheep Streaker (Budweiser) - A shorn sheep streaked through a football game of Clydesdales. Personifying nudity in animals is pretty funny, especially when that animal makes a "baa" noise.
4. Russian Yakety Sax (Sprint) - A guy with a Russian accent explains that his phone can download a song for any occasion, and the song for couch on fire was Yakety Sax. I can think of no situation, though, for which Yakety Sax is inappropriate.
3. Crime Deterrent (Sprint) - Two guys compare their cell phones, and the Sprint guy says his has crime deterrent and throws the phone at the guy and hits him in the face. Could have been improved if they were playing Yakety Sax, though.
2. Magic Fridge (Bud Light) - A rotating panel in the wall is used to hide Bud Light from guests, but the neighbors receive it as a gift instead. This could've taken the top spot, but it finished kind of weak. Just like an actual Bud Light.
1. Machete Enthusiasts (Emerald Nuts) - Eagle-eyed Machete Enthusiasts Recognize A Little Druid Networking Under the Stairs. Every single one of theirs is dynamite. Dynamite!

Low Five
5. Mick Jagger in HD (Pregame) - This isn't really a commercial, but it would be criminal of me to not mention the fact that seeing Mick on a 126" projector in HD is like staring at the sun and when you close your eyes you see Roseanne naked. While taking a poop.
4. The one with just the monkeys (Careerbuilder.com) - Careerbuilder.com does commercials with monkeys. We've seen like 3 of them before SBXL. I put this one on the list because it was lazy and everybody else liked it. Well, I'm here to tell you it really sucked. The jackasses were really fully though. They were wearing pants! But the other one was crap.
3. Littler Monster (Hummer) - Ultraman and the grandmother from the old tv show Dinosaurs got it on and had a kid: the H3. No wonder the damn car is so ugly.
2. Whopperettes (Burger King) - This abortion of a commercial lasted like a minute and a half and an orgy of condiments really doesn't do it for me. I'm not surprised that idea came out of the same people that produced that weird king mask. Even referring to him as "The freaky king" wasn't enough.
1. Jay Mohr/Diddy (Diet Pepsi) - Either of the commercials would have fit, but I chose the music one. I have only seen like 15 Super Bowls in my life, and I have absolutely no problem with saying that this was the singular worst commercial in the history of Super Bowls. It may have been the worst ad ever created. I am including everything in the Taco Bell catalogue (which dodged a bullet not making the list). I am including the ED commercials. This is it. This is going to be one of those things that people remember forever about Jay Mohr. Nobody liked Diddy before, but I was on the fence with Mohr. There is no longer fence sitting now. When I saw this, I missed looking at Mick Jagger in HD.