There is a commercial that irritates me to no end that I haven't publicly skewered on my blog yet. I am going to do that now. It's Nexium, the "Little Purple Pill" that solves every sort of problem related to acid reflux disease. You know, you don't just feel better after taking it, you are better. So next time you're standing around talking about all the charity work you do with your friends, the guy who volunteers at the soup kitchen has nothing on the guy who takes Nexium. Because he is better.
That's not even the part that bothers me so. It's the one with the father (presumably) of a family whom everyone in said family refers to as "The Finisher." Which is a load of hogwash because the examples he cites, "Finish your homework! Finish Your Vegetables!" involves asking other people to finish things without actually doing any finishing himself. Then, to tie it together, he says, "There was something I thought I [the Finisher!] was finished with." See how that comes full circle on itself? No? That's because there has never existed a more contrived plot device ever. Not even the history professor in Monty Python in the Holy Grail, which was contrived on purpose, can exceed it. I hate this commercial. I would prefer to suffer with acid reflux disease than take this drug on principle.
I know that writing an ad for a drug would be hard. There's not a lot to work with, and there's usually a lot of jargon. But I can't really say I think that advertising drugs to the public is a good idea in the first place, but if they're going to do it, do it better than this. There are Geico commercials or ads with fast cars or explosions whose spot you're taking with this nonsense. The kicker to writing these ads being hard, though, is that the people who write them are professionals. In order to get paid for your work, typically you need to be kind of good at it. If not, well, I'd be making money doing second rate work writing ads for gullible pharmaceutical companies. In case there are any gullible pharmaceutical execs reading this, here's my suggestion. If you like it, leave a comment and I'll tell you where you can mail the check.
[Fade from purple]
Explosion, rocket car flies across screen. Cut inside of car, where man in World War I aviator style clothing is seated next to a smokin' hot woman wearing something sexy. She says, "That was close!" He clutches his chest. "Oh no, not your acid reflux disease!" Another explosion, then goats with machine guns parachute on screen. The man says, "I need something better! This, this purple pill might be just ticket! Fortunately, I had a prescription written and filled for Nexium before this battle began!" He takes the Nexium. He sits upright, shoots the goats with the lasers and missiles from his rocket car. The girl says, "The Nexium worked! And you saved humanity! My hero!" She hugs his arm and rests her head on his shoulder. He smiles, turns to the camera and says, "With only headache, diarrhea, and stomach pain as side effects for Nexium, there is no question. Nexium is the balls. Talk to your doctor right away."
It can even be a cartoon, like Erin E-sruance. That'd be ok, but they better finish it soon.
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