In the pits

I ran out of deodorant this morning halfway through my application. Fortunately, like the Emperor, I had foreseen this. I bought some Right Guard or Gillette or something that was really cheap because it was being discontinued. I almost hope I don't like it because I won't be able to get more. It's the kind that has the little blue spheres in it; I think they're the kind that can stop Terrell Owens from coming over.

Because I ran out of my old stuff halfway through, my right underarm is rocking a different scent than the left. It's kind of weird -- asymmetrical deodorant leading to asymmetrical smells. The good news is they both smell fresh (I believe the new one is "Surf" scented -- whatever that means -- I always try to get ocean or water themed soaps and shampoos because I want to smell like home, but tragically, these things bear no resemblance to the way the ocean or surf smells. People not named Kramer take showers to get that smell off of them) so it's not like left good right bad.

Some people have more active sweat glands on one side of their body. Not me, though, when I sweat I barely stink at all. I'm immune to that, in the same way that I'm immune to the siren's call of American Idol. It's magical. But I wondered for the people who have one side more intense than another, do they vary their deodorant applications accordingly? Like five swipes instead of three? Or an entirely different, more powerful deodorant altogether? Am I just venturing into the lifestyle that these other, tragically misunderstood people live everyday? Oh, and does shaving your armpits really make you stink less? I wouldn't know, because regardless I don't stink anyway. The magic, remember.