I'm right on this. Trust me.

I hate it when writers or speakers in any media use the expression "Trust me" following a statement of any sort. It is a sort of condescension that makes me feel like I'm talking to a college freshman who is taking a 300 level class who thinks he knows something. "Stalin could've beaten Hannibal in a spelling bee, trust me." It features often in internet message boards (which is a post all its own) with things like, "I happen to know a guy who sits next to Joe Montana at his kids' basketball games. He wasn't complaining about money at the Super Bowl, trust me."

The words always follow something that is either absurd or unprovable. If it wasn't, then the words "Trust me" would be entirely unnecessary. "The natural log of e(x) is x. Trust me." I'm sure of that relationship. After all, the word "engineer" is in my blogger name. Do I become more trustworthy by saying, "Trust me"? No, I become less, because I am suggesting that the words I am saying cannot stand on their own merits, like Nick without Jessica.

If I see it in print, it's doubly offensive, because in order to take anything serious in a newspaper or on an article on a website, the author must be trusted. By asking me to trust them, they make me doubt whether that initial trust was misplaced, since he obviously isn't sure that he is getting it. From now on, whenever anybody says "trust me" after anything to me I am going to immediately distrust them and demand proof. "It's three o'clock right now. Trust me." Not so fast, pally, you better prove that one. "Trust me, I'm not going to break into your home at night and murder your pets." Yeah, right, I've heard that one before. "That baby cannot start as fullback for the St. Louis Rams, trust me." I think you may be lying. "Trust me, you don't want to pick up that snapping turtle from the front." I don't know, why should I trust you?

It's one of those things that if you have to ask, you don't deserve it. Like a free round of drinks, an invitation to a party, a compliment, or to get married. If you force it, it just seems unnatural and awkward; you just have to earn them. Don't believe me? Well, you can go to hell.