More on spring

Hey guys, it's still spring. Hasn't changed from a few days ago. It's starting to look better, though. Warming up, getting brighter and greener. If you are anywhere near where I am (and probably a lot of other places too), things are getting a lot yellower, too. Pollen is everywhere. It is on my car, my apartment, my shoes, my eyes, everywhere. My toilet even looks like a bowl of chicken soup, from the yellow coloring. I keep my actual chicken soup in the sink.

This raises a few questions. First, is my invincibility starting to be in question, since my eyes are a little itchy? But that's small potatoes, all things considered. You know, if two dogs were having sex on your lawn or car or shoes, you'd probably shoo them away or spray them with a hose or something. But all this pollen is basically lots and lots of tree sex all over us. But we don't get nearly as outraged. Why is that? I can imagine some rhododendrons or ficuses (fici?) sitting around and looking and tree porn that would look a lot like what we're living in now. It's too bad that trees don't have money; we could make a fortune in the dendro-pornography business.

The other major question how much effort is it worth for me to wash my car? It's just going to get yellow again in a few days. Then again, this is really gross looking, and I don't know how long I can abide by it. Since I don't have a hose, I have to go take it somewhere to get it washed. I'm thinking it's not that worth it. Back home, we didn't have this problem. Palm trees are much more prudish than, say, cedars, so they keep their mating behind closed coconuts.

You know he was Nightcrawler, too

The weather is turning cold again. This is terrible. I don't know what sort of brain defect causes people to form sentences like, "I'm so glad the weather is cooling off." I equate this to the same sorts of people who do crazy things like collect stamps or use "antique" as a verb. I know what you're thinking: "But it'll snow!" You know what? That sucks too. Snow is great in two places: on vacation and a post card. Otherwise, snow = terrible. It looks nice at first, then it gets gross and dirty and makes your socks wet. Go antiquing for stamps, jerk.

It also means that people start getting sick. The crazy changes in climate affect people in ways that lower their orange juice defenses. I don't pretend to understand it, I just know that it's flu season now based on the number of e-mails I get at work trying to convince me to get a flu shot. I'm not getting one, and here's why: I'm invincible.

I don't get sick anymore. I haven't gotten sick in a very long time, either. I think this is one of my beneficial super powers. I'm due a good one after getting shafted on not being able to sleep in and detecting ammonia. Not getting sick is pretty great, because you know how much it sucks when you have a cold? I don't, because I can't remember. I sneeze sometimes, but sneezing is pretty fun. I wish I could sneeze on command. But I'm not stuffy, I'm not drowsy and I don't have a sore throat. Mario's Starman has got nothing on me.