One of the few professions that are called brokers

I have a question. If I wanted to open a pawn shop, how do I enter that profession? It seems like an odd thing to just up and start, because it requires a large sum of money (to offer in exchange for the pawned items) and an almost reckless desire to keep it (since the folks who enter into arrangements with pawnbrokers are frequently of questionable scruples). And anyway, why would I want to buy stolen stereo equipment, copies of Boston LPs, crappy guitars and cheap firearms anyway? If I were trying to put on a stage adaptation of Joe Dirt, maybe.

There are all sorts of professions of comparable integrity that I think sound much more appealing if I have a lot of unused money lying around. Bookmaking, loansharking and futures speculator all seem to be about as risky and profitable. I don't have any hired muscle, though, and that could be a problem with some of those. When a Wall Street stockbroker is all coked up he'd be hard to bring down. Maybe one of those guitars or firearms would be handy after all.

Of those, I think, I would personally like bookmaking the best. I'd post odds on all sorts of crazy things. While I was a tutor in college, I wanted to do it with class averages for the tough engineering courses. I didn't, though, because I liked being a tutor. Wait, that's not completely accurate; I liked getting paid to be a tutor. If I were a bookie now, though, I think I'd post odds on things like the over/under on the number of people who almost get in a fight at one of the bars downtown (2 a night), the next presidential candidate to say something really stupid (6:1 Romney, 5:1 Obama, 3:1 Clinton, 3:2 Biden) and the over/under on how many glasses of milk I drink in a day (2).

The only problem is I wouldn't be able to do things like which household item is more awesome when dunked in liquid nitrogen, since that's kind of subjective. We're working on a quantification, though. And not just for liquid nitrogen, either; quantifying awesome in every context. Please let me know if you are interested in sponsoring this research project. I also accept objects for pawn.

I was born in a crossfire hurricane

You know, I should have been a meterologist. Today, the hurricane experts announced that they're changing the hurricane predictions for this season from 13-16 named storms and 8-10 hurricanes to 12-15 named storms and actual 7-9 hurricanes. I know they're supposed to be hurricane experts and all, but I think they forgot something: hurricane season begins on June 1. In case you don't feel like clicking the link (I don't blame you) the date of this development, also the date of today, is August 8. What a load of BS.

Oddsmakers don't get to change the odds on bets at halftime. Surgeons don't get to decide to change the organ that they're going to remove while they're elbow deep in entrails. Engineers don't get to turn the tank they're designing into a golf cart because they started off crappily. So why do we accept this from our meteorologists? Why do we pay them to predict at all? Because really, they suck at it.

I wish I had that sort of leeway for error in my line of work. But people who drive cars or live in houses probably are pretty happy that engineers don't, unless the Saturn they are driving suddenly were to erupt into a something else, like a sleeper sofa or a cat. (I chose Saturn because a lot of people drive Saturns. I myself, do not.) The only other people who have the sort of margin for mistake are sports writers, but they are writing about a game anyway, which is on its face pretty ridiculous. (Don't get me wrong, I still read a number of them, but at least I recognize that it's the professional equivalent of getting paid to eat candy.)

Hurricanes are not ridiculous. They are gigantic storms that can be terrifying. Just tell me where they are going. If you are going to make predictions, though, make them and own up at the end of the season like a man. Or else you never know what might happen to your Saturn.