Singing off of what?

Dr. Sighted loves the Sing Off.  In the mornings, she occasionally makes me watch a Capella versions of Queen or Britney Spears or Daft Punk.  There are few things she likes more than people singing pop songs without music, and one of them is competing in things that aren't appropriately competitive.  So, really, this is a match made in heaven for her.  Or, at least, a heavily focus grouped Los Angeles boardroom.

It's actually a pretty entertaining concept, when they do a good job.  One of the groups did Video Killed the Radio Star that was better than the Buggles.  I don't remember if I saw it live or on Dr. Sighted's phone in the car.  The best part, though, is the talking from the judges and the host.

Nick Lachey hosts, and for a guy who used to be in a boy band and married to Jessica Simpson, is surprisingly wooden with every obligatory pun that he reads from the cue cards.  I don't know if he's thinking, "Dammit, I'm better than all of these jokers!" while he says, "We're going to see if the Ball State Ballers are going to get caught in a trap with this Elvis tune -- using only their voices!," but he is not acting like he is having fun, and quite frankly, that makes me have fun watching him.

The judges have their moments, too.  Shawn Stockman is like the wacky guy who has positive things to say.  He's also the most boring, because he's nice..  Ben Folds is also there, and I can't help but think that he's really Dana Carvey dressed as Ben Folds.  I know who he is and all, but I'm not convinced that he's a real person.  Ben Folds never fails to talk about the groove in every post-song commentary.  Every single one.  I have yet to know what any of them mean.

The best, without question, is Sara Bareilles.  I'm still not quite sure why she's famous.  Dr. Sighted has repeatedly told me that she sang, "Not Gonna Write You a Love Song," but I'm pretty sure that song is actually by Colbie Caillet.  (I saw her in concert by accident once.  [Isn't it weird that they both have unnecessary i's in their names?])  She is sarcastic, occasionally nonsensical, and sometimes mean.  Just tonight, she said something like, "I'm not sure if the reason I didn't like your performance was because you were trying to hard or your stage props but I just wasn't into it."  And then there was Nick, right on cue, saying, "Thank you judges.  And next we'll see if we can resist Vocal Point's version of the British Invasion -- using only their voices!"*

*None of the quotes in this post are real.

I don't want to ruin the friendship

I was thinking about something that came up in the life of one of my girlfriend’s friend. One of the age old clichés that girls give guys, “I wouldn’t want to ruin a good friendship” is complete poppycock. Poppycock, I say! There is no circumstance that this statement would be true. The girl is either lying to him, and that she is really, quite simply, not attracted to him, or lying to herself, and is afraid of what would happen if she said yes. If she really valued the friendship, she would tell him the truth and actively ensure the friendship would not be ruined afterwards. If he cannot accept that, then he was lying to himself and was not really invested in the friendship, but rather a convoluted courtship and reached an unfortunate failure.

I have been lucky enough to experience one go the good way and one go the bad way. The difference is how we reacted to the admission. In both cases, it was I who wanted more. The good one happened earlier in my life, and fortunately for me, the friendship was important enough to her not to allow something like my romantic interest keep us from being friends; today, she is one of my closest. I don’t really understand what happened with the other. All I can figure is that I was not important enough for her to put in similar effort, and we are not part of each other’s lives, and it still bothers me, even though this happened some time ago. The fact that I have endured the first of these, though, proves that expression of romantic interest need not doom an actual platonic relationship.

The honest expression of emotion, however easy for me to write here, is not easy to actually commit to in practice. There is an established fear of rejection in all of us, and this is clearly a manifestation of that, which is counterintuitive, because the person doing the rejecting in this case is being pursued. But the real reason for hesitation is obscured, and when that happens, the friendship is being held back anyway. Like every healthy relationship, platonic, romantic or otherwise, honest communication is critical.

That idea is antithetical to the desired outcome of relationships, anyway; if someone is worth your friendship, they ought to be worth your better friendship, right? If they are worth a romantic relationship, they ought to be your friend, too. That is a definite success that my girlfriend and I have experienced, even if the achievement of that was realized in a roundabout way. To a degree, she could be a character in this story, with a very positive outcome.

The point is, though, that a friendship is not ruined by the expression of one party wanting more. It is ruined by the negative reactions of the parties involved. The object of desire can handle it perfectly and the desirer can e a crackpot and result in tragedy just as easily as the desired can turn awkward. Or there can be a combination of both. Or neither, and growth can occur. It’s all choice, and I hope my girlfriend’s friend makes a better one than the second girl in my story and I did.

A little information

I was made aware of the fact that one of my friends was unaware of the rules. No, not to Bridge, although I don't know how that game works either. I know how to play Euchre and Spades, which are like Bridge's less sophisticated Midwestern and less sophisticated popular cousins. I don't know where Spades is from, but I would suspect something like a military family, because it comes from everywhere. But, I wasn't talking about Bridge.

Also, some people have trouble with the rules to some sports. For example, football can be tricky to the novice. I myself have no problem with football, but hockey is like some sort of crazy game that Yetis and Canadians play. I'm pretty sure that the rules to that game change as it goes on, not unlike Marshgammon.

I was talking about relationship ages. I was pretty sure that the rule for this was common knowledge: half your age plus seven. That's the youngest girl that a guy is allowed to date. Wikipeidia says that it's just the older to younger regardless of gender, but I'm pretty sure that women have more leeway. If guys guy younger, then they are bringing more creepiness into the world, and nobody wants that. If you're the girl and allowing it, then you are abetting creepiness, and you have nobody to blame but yourself. But y'all knew that already, right?

Invented by Terrorists: Don't blame me, I voted for Amanda

My mom called me tonight and demanded that I give American Idol a chance tonight. Apparently there is a lovable little guy who sang "Imagine" that blew the doors off the place. As it turns out, that would have been good information to have a few days ago, based on how this show's schedule runs. It's on more often than SportsCenter, but all American Idols are not created equal. I know this is breaking news, since this show has been on the air in this format for like 70 years by now. This is, in fact, the first time I have seen an episode in its entirety.

I can't say that I really got it. I don't watch it normally. I know people who do, and they seem to enjoy it. Each year, you get maybe two or three people who can perform the songs they sing better than the people who made them famous, so it seems like a lot of musical vomit from wannabes to watch before you get to the good stuff. I am not ashamed to concede that the Katharine McPhee "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" was one of those performances. But you see how I avoided committing to a tv show for like 90 hours each week?

Well, I watched tonight and I think I figured out the appeal. I have figured out what the magic formula is that keeps people coming back. The singing is part of it, sure, but the trick is the voting. It's the same thing that you get when you watch Family Feud -- you get to yell at the retards who voted the wrong way and feel superior. Also, watching a chick breakdown and cry after being told she sucks by 30 million Americans is pretty compelling television. Hillary Clinton won't get told she sucks by that many people when she inevitably loses the nomination to Obama. And quite frankly, I thought the girl who got voted off who sang "If You Leave Me Now" was way better than the girl with the comically ostrich-like hair who sang "Carry On My Wayward Son."

And you know what? After it's over, I'm probably going to call my mom and tell her that. Which means I am turning into a gossipy old woman and the terrorists have won.

Things I don't really understand: Part I

I like to think of myself as a reasonably intelligent bloke. I try to read the newspaper, I like Wes Anderson movies, and I speak two languages. Three if you count l33t. But, as awesome as I am, there are a lot of things that come up of which I have no understanding. I'm not talking about things like why we care about Paris Hilton or how come people keep letting Larry the Cable Guy make movies. I mean simpler things. I'd like this to be a continuing series, but looking back at other potential continuing series, like Invented by Terrorists, I don't really have that many. Luckily, I haven't come across too many things that have the evil fingerprints of terrorists on them lately. Good news, everybody.

I will discuss a few of them that have been on my mind lately. Feel free to include some of your own.

• Smoking. I hear it gives you a buzz and helps keep fat people thin, but think about the costs. It's expensive, makes you smell bad, and gives you cancer. The expensive and cancer part doesn't really affect me, so that's your business, but if you smell bad and get near me, I have to smell you. I don't want that. So, the moral of the story is don't smoke because I'd have to smell your stank.
• Motorcycles. These are supposed to be fun and fuel efficient, but they're loud and the people who drive them drive like drunken chickens. You might be saying something like, "I have a motorcycle and I resent that!" If that's the case, I'm not talking about you. Unless you drive like a drunken chicken, in which case you should have been called out by someone else by now, jerk. Anyway, there are a lot of things you can do that are fun that doesn't impede me getting to the grocery store to buy milk and ribs. Boy, do I love milk and ribs.
• Bumper stickers. Do you have a bumper sticker on your car? Why? Are you going to convince me to change my opinion on abortion with a line on the back of your Stratus? Or maybe you are proclaiming your support of the gay rights movement. A lot of folks like to put up the rainbow or the blue equal sign. That's all well and good, but what's the point in advertising that to people on the whom you're never going to see again on the interstate? Rarely do I have revolutionary socio-political realizations while driving. I'm usually trying to pass motorcycles.