Come and get your intense, passionate hatred

I can't take it anymore. I just can't. Every time I see a commercial for Alltel, it makes me hate the hate the Jacksonville Jaguars. Chad, the personification of Alltel, goes on wacky misadventures with the personifications of Cingular, Verizon, T-Mobil and Sprint, and of course, Chad always comes out on top, with the other folks coming off as big nerds. Except, the problem is those misadventures are so inane and the plots make so little sense and Chad is so unlikeable that it's really fortunate for Chad and my desire not to sleep in jail that my super powers don't include the ability to murder with my thoughts.

The most recent one, I think, is where a woman finds Chad on the street and asks him about the plan and then a van pulls up with the four stooges and confronts her about leaving them with her kidnapped pug, Fluffy. Except (plot twist!) it's not her dog, it's some large burly looking man (playing on the femininity of the dog and its name) who chases the four of them away. There are a few questions this raises (note: it does not beg it): why are the four other companies working together, why does Chad wear his hair like that, and who is this burly guy and why would they think his dog belonged to this woman? I hate these commercials so much it makes my teeth boil.

There are others, of course. One involving a "What level dungeon master are you?" "Dungeon masters don't have levels! (snort) Dork." Which on its face is fine, except until this point in the series, we haven't established that the four should be considered as nerds in the sense. It's just a non sequitur that looks like it's trying to hard to be funny. Which it clearly isn't. This exchange follows some pinching. Or precedes it. What difference does it make. There's also something involving slamming a laptop shut, but that's in another commercial.

I still can't figure out why there are so many bad commercials out there, and beyond that, bad commercial series. I can't honestly be the only person who hates that. If any of you say, "Hey, I like those commercials and/or Chad!" then you don't deserve to vote. I don't think I'm being too harsh. Alltel might be approaching Taco Bell levels of obnoxiousness. And truthfully, I'm kind of astonished I lasted this long before complaining about this. Oh good, look what's on tv now: a Taco Bell commercial. It is a good thing I can't murder with my thoughts.