Three knobs is just excessive

I have spent the last five days in Florida. I will be traveling back to South Carolina tomorrow. I drove down on Friday, left on Saturday for Miami, returned to Daytona on Monday, drove to St. Augustine an hour later, back to Daytona on Tuesday, and will leave for Clemson on Wednesday. It was a jampacked weekend. The biggest revelation that I want to share from my travels is how dastardly a new shower can be.

I know you have felt the terror I am about to describe. If you haven't, you've never slept over at a friend's house or stayed a hotel and you should go do something to meet someone. Because, really, everyone should have done these things unless you're four.

This is the scene: you get up in a hotel room in a strange city (Miami is a strange city even if you live there) and you groggily shamble over to the bathroom, use the bathroom, then get kind of freaked out because the mirror is gigantic and watching yourself on the potty is not the ideal way to wake up. You roll into the shower, then see some number of knobs, typically numbering somewhere between one and three, but more or less is not out of the question. Hot's usually on the left, but what if it isn't? What if they do things backwards in Miami? They speak a lot of Spanish here, and derecha does come before izquierda in the alphabet. What does the middle one do? Can you dial it halfway, so that both the shower and the bath are running? And how sensitive are the faucets, so if it's a little too cold, do I dare touch the dial and risk scalding my face? And what if the pipes are backwards? I know a guy who had that. Those are some of the things I wonder when I go to a hotel room.

Usually, a lot less drama actually transpires, but I definitely go through a checklist like that. And this doesn't even begin to bring up the concerns with detachable showerheads and water pressure woes. Sometimes it's just too much, especially if there are people who can hear the shower nearby, like the person you're visiting or people sharing your hotel room. It would be weird to run the bath for like ten minutes then switch over to shower, because they can hear the difference. It's even weirder to turn off the water and just start over. Sometimes I psych myself out and just accept that I don't want this kind of stress and take a bath. Fortunately, in a hotel, they usually provide complimentary bubble bath, so it's definitely a good way to relieve some of it.