Thursday, July 26, 2007

More important than the presidential debates

I have a question, and considering this weekend, it seems timely. Which television program would you say is more important in shaping American culture and comedy between Seinfeld and The Simpsons? Both are eminently quotable, enjoyed enduring success and have (or will) leave gaping crater in their time slot when they stop airing.

I think I have to say the Simpsons, due to its revival of the cartoon as a mainstream form of mature entertainment and social commentary. Seinfeld definitely has had a huge impact on what the bounds of a sitcom can be and had a number of guest stars that we all recognize (Teri Hatcher, Daphne from Frasier, James Spader, etc) but the Simpsons redefined what the role of a guest star is.

What do you think? Also, I think I owe it to many years of childhood to go see this movie this weekend. It just simply can't be bad.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Out of my brain on the 5:15

Hey guys, I wanted to offer a little bit of an explanation as to why the output has been down a little lately. I am so close to finishing up with grad school I could pee and hit it on the up-arc from here, and I don't want to be held up by much. I am taking a break right now because my eyes hurt and I'm pretty much at the end of my day. I might be back in the lab wondering if this decision was worth it when I just talked to a college buddy who's married with a kid and sounds the happiest I've ever heard him. Most of my thoughts have centered around Fortran, finishing my paper, and trying to decide if I want to trade down from the Sharp Aquos to the Vizio in order to better justify the purchase of an iPhone.

So, I cannot guarantee when the next update will come. But once I'm out of this mess, I can guarantee that they will be funnier. For example, I realize I have to shop for car insurance, and that means I have to negotiate the ever expanding field of the Geico Cavemen, Erin Esurance, and the guy the Unit/president from 24. That's got all sorts of hilarity potential right there. Will it really prove to be so easy a cave man could do it? Will I be won over by the sex appeal of a pink haired cartoon? Not if Jack Bauer's boss (ex-boss?) has anything to say about it. I don't know if he termed out or died or what.

Anyway, I'll try to get some good stuff out. I don't want to lose any more of my six (or was it five?) readers that I had before. Anyway, hope all you guys are staying awesome out there this summer. Word on the street is that there's a weekend coming up...

Monday, July 16, 2007

Ain't I a stinker? No.

I have been a little bit worried that my roommates would suspect that I was out there smelling badly. This is in part because I have been traveling a lot lately. I have visited such exotic locales in the past few weeks as Atlanta, GA; Greenwood, SC; Ormond Beach, FL; Augusta, GA; New Smyrna Beach, FL; and Aiken, SC. Atlanta was the first stop on this magical mystery tour, and I realized upon arrival that my deodorant opted not to make the trip. I think it might be tragically claustrophobic and afraid to spend time in my travel bag. I can only imagine the psychological horrors it feels once it is actually deployed.

I, of course, replaced the deodorant with a more adventurous one on the road. I wouldn't want to be an unwelcome guest in all of those places, and since I knew that once I got to my second destination (where the mosquitoes are) I would still have many more places to see I decided to get the Bear Grylls of deodorants, one completely unafraid of travel.

As I was touring the southeast, though, my other lonely deodorant was lying on my otherwise empty side of the bathroom sink. So, here in C-Town, my roommates (I can only presume) would look at my antiperspirant and say to themselves, "He must be pretty ripe by now." I feel I need to set the record straight: I wasn't. I immediately replaced it as soon as I discovered it missing.

This does raise a rather difficult question, though. Which one do I use now? Should I alternate days? Or underarms? Or maybe create a delightful cocktail of fresh sport and cool active to get the best of both worlds? Would they cancel each other out in that case? I think some experimentation might be in order.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Invented by Terrorists: Mosquitoes

Wherever you go, people complain about the mosquitoes. The thing is, they're all wrong, except the Floridians and swamp people. The rest of you should simply smile and say, "Man, I'm glad the mosquitoes here don't organize." We have union mosquitoes down here, and they are angry at the other mosquitoes for taking their jobs.

The people in Indiana seemed to think that they had bug problems. They don't. When I was a freshman, local Hoosiers used to try to tell me with a straight face that you wanted to be careful near woods in the summer time. I did the polite thing and did not laugh in their faces. Think of it like this: somebody from Buffalo comes to see you, and you tell him that you're expecting a harsh winter with a lot of snowfall. The guy from Buffalo takes you at face value and gets his snow shovel and ski jacket ready. Eight inches of snow falls, and the locals are crying "Woe is me." The guy from Buffalo goes to the store in shorts, and is irate to find out that the stores are closed because of the snow.

That's how I feel about mosquitoes. As far as I'm concerned, the mosquito population in Indiana has been eradicated. Spending some time in South Carolina, I started thinking, "Maybe these guys can run with the big boys." Then I came home yesterday. It had been a long time since I had been down here in the summer (about a year, go figure) and I had simply forgotten. Granted, the Palmetto State looks like Biblical Plagues compared to the Midwest, but it's like go-karts versus the Daytona 500 down here.

Part of it is the rain. It tends to rain very heavily very quickly almost everyday in the summer. That is the same thing for mosquitoes as a bottle blond yelling out "I'm drunk!" at a frat party. The douchebags all come out. So, I hadn't even been out of the car in the Sunshine State for fifteen minutes before I was assaulted. If mosquitoes were tigers, I'd be dead by now. Hell, if the mosquitoes were angry kittens I'd be ripped to shreds. The next time you complain about bugs outside of Florida or a swamp, you better be getting infected with some sort of disease. Just ask yourself, Which Side are you on?