Wednesday, November 15, 2006

You know you're a person who [lives here, works here or does something] when...

The internet is a handy thing. It allows for the rapid distribution of news, information and nonsense written by people like me. Part of that nonsense is jokes, and I would say about 97% of them are not funny. For example, the "You know you're a [whatever] when..." which seem to be oh so popular among people who are [whatever]. In the early days of the internet, before people really understood, these mass forwardings of what are essentially chain letters seemed cute and nice. They are not. The first ones I remember seeing are for Southerner and Small Town in place of [whatever], including the appropriate grammar to make them fit. I also remember seeing my freshman year the other guy from Florida on my floor in my dorm put up the corresponding one from Florida, and it was not funny. In fact, it was a little embarrassing, because it reflected poorly on my glorious state. Florida is called the Sunshine State for a reason; when you think of it you should think of heaven falling from the sky rather than jokes about how to pronounce Kissimmee.

I guess I have to ask the question why are they so popular? Why does have my facebook friends list include them as one of their groups, especially when hometown is one of the things they fill out anyway? I can see that you're from New Jersey. Or Indiana. Or Chicago. Or Charleston. The inane list of landmarks and colloquialisms is fine and all, but is that something you really want to advertise? And driving habits are a favorite, particularly with New Jersey, Michigan and the touristy places. They have weird left turns in MI, and they love themselves for it. Apparently NJ has something strange about that too, so does that mean Michiganders are going to have to throw themselves off the Mackinac Bridge because they're not the only place with crazy turns? And if it's a forwarded e-mail, is this something that I am really going to read? If I know you, I already know you're from wherever. If it's about Florida, or Daytona or something, I already know about those locations, because I live there. If it's from someplace I've never lived, then these jokes aren't going to be funny. See the inherent failure of the joke?

Also, it might be devastating to learn, but many of those things, particularly about tourist beach towns, are not unique. Every tourist beach town is almost exactly the same when you describe them on paper. Myrtle Beach looks a lot like Daytona Beach -- full of junk shops where you can buy towels with dolphins, the name of the city and naked ladies on them. Savannah, Charleston and St. Augustine are very old and similar, too, except St. Augustine is Spanish instead of English, which means StAuggy has better food.

I don't want to simply say, "Let's stop doing these," because I guess if you really want to who am I to stop you? I just need to point out that they are not that funny. None of them are. None of them are particularly creative, either. I have seen White Castle as an important distinction in both the Midwest and the Northeast, two regions of distinctly different culture which each claim a fast food restaurant as a regional landmark. You might be from Florida if you like college football and eat seafood and go to the beach! Nobody else does that, right?

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