I write about the bathroom oddly often

There is something about urinals to me that is inherently funny. Like zebras. It's basically a sink held up on its side into which I pee. It's so elegantly simple, but such an unusually shaped device and it carries a lot of baggage. Do you think it would be appropriate to strike up a conversation with someone you barely know about a urinal? (Exception: while drinking in a bar.) And why not? I don't know if I know you (but chances are, I probably d0), but I'm going to talk about urinals now.

This applies to regular toilets too, but why is it that we always seek out the cleanest one for use with urination? I can understand twosies or if you're a girl, but I realize that if there's a cigarette butt or some other contaminant in the bottom of the urinal and/or toilet, it's not getting anything out of me. I wish I could tell you why; it's not like pee is fragile, or a dirty urinal will return fire or something. I guess it's just that I subconsciously think I'm so awesome that even my toilets need to be clean for me to use them. Fortunately, I've never run into a situation where all of them were dirty. That could be uncomfortable.

There are also some urinals which are floor length, in addition to the sideways sinks. They're like the luxury ones, because they seem so decadent. There's no particular advantage from the user's point of view for having the urinal be that long, other than it's easier to avoid the splashback. I think the primary reason is that it becomes harder to miss the urinal. If you've ever worn flip-flops to the bathroom, though, you know how big an issue splashback can be if you're not careful. In fact, one of my engineer buddies and I once discussed a flow solution for urinals to make splashback (and, additionally, flushing) a thing of the past, but I think it would be kind of excessive.

I'll bet if you asked somebody what urinal pose they prefer, you'd get a surprisingly forthright answer. Some people go for the Leaner, where the body makes a right triangle with the wall and floor. There is also the Straddle, which all but eliminates inaccuracy but makes splashback disastrous. The counterpoint is the Marksman, where the user is about a foot away and aims for the cup part of the urinal -- splashback is never an issue but accuracy can be. This one works better with the floor length. For the particularly daring, you can do the Flying V, so named by the shape of one's legs during execution. Hang upside down from the two partitions separating the neighboring urinals and aim downwards.

Sometimes you find yourself looking into a trough that the establishment has asked you to use for your liquid waste needs. It's a strange feeling, because it's kind of fun since it's a different sort of vessel than you use on an everyday basis, but it's also a little dehumanizing since you're going at the same time as one or two other guys right next to you. You don't have the Dave Barry Rules of Separation with troughs. Although, one time I was oddly proud that while going I outlasted two cycles of guys coming through. It was like a 180 second session.

I recently visited an establishment that had a urinal without a lever for flushing, but it didn't have standing liquid in it either, so I imagine it flushed on its own time. I didn't really witness an actual flush, so it's only speculation. I mentioned my observation to those in my party, which led to a conversation that led to me thinking about this post, and one of the guys basically thought by putting some of this information out there I would be doing a service for the female readers in helping them understand a little bit about urinals. I hope this goes towards that noble endeavor.