Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Man, my superpowers are lame

I discovered I have a new superpower yesterday. I already knew of this one and this one, but I guess I'm not done yet. Again, though, it's a skill that really isn't the sort of thing that would get comic books written about you or attract women. Really, is there any other reason to want superpowers? Helping people, I guess, but regular people can do that, so who cares. Maybe to do tricks to win bets. I could see the Flash getting really drunk and betting people that he could do things like grab all the jacks before the jack ball hits the ground and then when people start to believe he can do anything start making things up like saying he can vibrate a chair into a harmonica.

My newest one is that I can smell ammonia way better than everyone else in my lab. Isn't that spectacular? I'll be sitting around, minding my own business doing math and wishing I was somewhere more interesting like a box factory and then I will be overwhelmed with horrible ammonia smell. I'll make some disgusted sound, like "Hushhgah," and then everyone will look at me as if I just told them that a gnome pooped on my shoe. I normally wear flip-flops this time of year so that would be particularly troubling. The others can't figure out how I am able to detect the smell when either a) I am very far away or b) there is no ammonia being vented. One of the guys even enlisted me to smell around his apparatus to find a leak because he couldn't detect the smell. Really. So far, my powers have let me not sleep in when I'm tired, avoid stinking in warm weather and be used as if I were a trained animal to detect a leak. Call Stan Lee.

22 comments:

Unknown said...

Dude, Stan Lee would totally make a comic of you. You should go on that wacky "I wanna be a super-hero show" on the Sci-Fi channel. Really. You'd so win!

-Bob S.

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I could just see it: "Leave an open ammonia bottle in the theater. Blindfold me, and I'll find it."

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