Scratch, scratch me back

I wonder how sharp the forks are on the Devil's tongue. Like can he stab people, or does "fork" only refer to the shape, and it's only like having two of our tongues and not sharp at all? I kind of hope it's actually sharp, because really, what a let down it would be if it was just a tongue that was two tongues. Sometimes I'm also jealous of cats, because they sleep all day, only give you attention if they feel like it, and have rough tongues. You can probably guess the tongue part is the relevant part, but I can't understate the value of sleeping and ignoring people.

There is no itch worse than the roof of your mouth. Arguments can be made for the sole of your foot, but I have to be true to my conscience. Here is why: you can't scratch the roof of your mouth. There are times when it's very hard to reach the bottom of your feet, really, if it's bad enough you can just take off your shoe. Even in the middle of Wal-Mart with 150 people around, you can sit down in the middle of sporting goods, take off your shoe (sock is optional) and scratch your arch for relief. Your mouth, though, has no such accommodation. You can rub your tongue on it, but unless you're a cat, no dice. You can stick your finger in there, I guess. But really, whatever that roof part is, it's way too sensitive for a successful itch scratching. If you try to just use the pad of your fingertip, it's not that different than just using your tongue and you get that weird skin taste in your mouth.

I guess you could try to eat something pokey, like a pointy cracker. Or a sharp bread. I hate it when I eat sharp bread, because there's likely to be a cut in my mouth for days. Days. It makes orange juice hurt. And I really like orange juice. I'm from Florida; it's bred into me, like sweet tea and Southern people. Except orange juice is good and sweet tea is just too much. Although I've never tried it conjunction with a mouth itch or as a remedy for a bread cut. Or an accidental forked tongue stab.